Something We Didn't Do Before
by RBfan4ever
Summary: It started with a note goodbye ... **Unless it's marked "COMPLETE" it's not ... this isn't.**
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This 1 took me by surprise. Like S4, this is probably gonna be an emotional roller coaster for some. I can't thank the other ½ of my brain, Erica McSwarek, enough for her friendship, support & endless encouragement when I question the ride these voices are taking me on! Hope y'all enjoy the ride!**

* * *

_**Dear Sam,**_

_**I don't know how to be here and **__**not**__** be with you, so ...**_

_**I don't know when I'll be back, **__**if**__** I'll be back ...**_

_**I hope you find happiness Sam, even if it's not with me ... you deserve it.**_

_**If I don't make it home, know I love you, that I've always loved you, that I **__**will**__** always ...**_

_**Andy**_

* * *

Andy opened Sam's locker and put the folded piece of paper on the shelf where she knew he'd see it before closing the door and walking out of the guys locker room.

She couldn't help but think of the first time she went in there. It was her first day, Sam was taking his frustrations out on his locker after she hauled him in after mistaking him for a suspect and blowing a 8 month UC. Well, technically _she_ didn't blow his cover, Jerry did when he hugged him in front of "his guy". But he _still_ hauled her into Boyko's office and chewed her ass out for not knowing he was undercover. She braved his temper to get information that helped solve the case.

And of course there was the time she sat on the bench after he helped get her out of the torched laundry mat.

That brought a whole bunch of memories to mind. How he'd stayed on the phone and kept her as calm as he could while they waited for the Fire Dept. to get her and the guy's wife out. His was the first face she saw when they crawled out from under that charred desk.

Of course she remembered a couple times _he_ went into the girls locker room looking for her - the Landry bust when she'd played his girlfriend; the night of the blackout when she emptied her clip into the chest of a pedophile.

The blackout. Now there was a night she'd never forget. She showed up on Sam's doorstep an emotional mess, not knowing how to deal with taking her first life. That was the night they _almost_ made love for the first time ... but the lights came back on.

The awkwardness between them after melted away with a few bad jokes on a trip to Sudbury.

Thoughts of Sudbury brought memories of every time he was there for her and the one time he wasn't. Memories that brought tears to her eyes.

She slammed the door on those thoughts as she went back to the women's locker room to grab her bag.

"You ready?"

Andy looked at the guys locker room one last time before nodding and walking away.

"You sure you wanna do this?" Nick asked.

Andy smiled sadly. "No."

"Andy?"

Andy rolled her eyes. "I'm fine, let's go."

Nick knew he'd have to keep a close eye on his partner.

* * *

Sam opened his locker and a piece of paper caught his attention. _What the ?_

He recognized the penmanship immediately. His blood ran cold when he read the words _if I don't make it home_ ...

Sitting on the bench he read her note over and over until he knew it word for word.

"Hey brother," Oliver said coming in. "Sammy? You alright, man?"

Sam handed the note to Oliver who took it, surprised. "What's this?"

"Read it."

Oliver read the note, stunned. McNally was gone. He knew they were having problems, but ...

"What the hell happened?"

"She left."

"I can _see_ that, wiseass, _Why_?!"

Sam shook his head. "Because I screwed up?!"

"Brother, you did _that_ when you dumped her in the rain ..." Oliver said softly.

"Don't remind me, man."

The next day during Parade the absence of a certain pretty boy detective as well as both Andy and Collins was glaring.

After he dismissed Parade Sam went to Frank.

"Where is she?"

Frank tried to play dumb. "Who?"

"Don't play dumb with me, man, you _know_ who."

"You know I can't tell you, man."

"Can't ... or won't, Frank?"

"Sam ..."

"I _will_ find out, Frank," Sam said walking out.

He spent his entire shift trying to find out where she went. It didn't take long to figure out that he was being stonewalled.

That night at the Penny he was surprised when Peck sat beside him. "Any luck?"

"With?"

"Come on, Swarek, I _know_ you tried to find her ..."

Sam didn't confirm it or deny it.

"Maybe I can help," she said as she slid a piece of paper across the bar.

Sam looked at her.

"Yes, I used my last name."

Sam smirked. Throwing some money on the bar he left.

Sitting on his couch he finally looked at what Peck had given him.

He let out a low growl when he read the note that confirmed his fears ... she was part of Project Dakota.

* * *

Six months after Andy disappeared Oliver and Dov brought in a player in a Drug Squad op. It didn't take them long to realize it was the same op Andy and Nick were working.

Sam took a dislike to the Drug Squad detective immediately. He was an arrogant bastard and the way he ran things reminded Sam of Boyd. He liked him even less when they tried to get him to pull Andy and Nick and he said he couldn't because they had lost contact.

"You're telling us you _lost_ them?!"

"It's fine."

"No, it's not, if you haven't heard from her something is _wrong_," Traci argued.

"I _said_ it's fine," the detective snapped.

"You don't _know_ McNally! She _doesn't_ go off the wire, she doesn't _miss_ calls ..."

"You know this how?"

"Because I'm her partner, jackass!" Sam growled. He'd really had more than enough of this bonehead with a badge.

The detective sat up and took notice when Frank threatened to have his badge if he didn't help get his officers back.

They were hiding in a warehouse, Andy's back against the office door, Nick keeping watch. Nick was out of ideas when he looked back to see Andy with a phone receiver in hand.

"Who are you calling?" he hissed.

Andy ignored him as her fingers dialed the familiar number.

Sam was waiting for things to get organized when his cell rang. Checking the Caller I.D he didn't recognize the number. "Swarek."

Andy breathed a sigh of relief. "Sam?"

"Andy? Where are you?"

"I'm fine, I'm ..."

Sam couldn't help the small smile hearing her voice after so many months.

"Not _how_, McNally, _where_?"

"Oh! Uh, I don't know. Trucking warehouse I guess ..." she didn't say anything else because Nick said, "Andy, we gotta go ..."

She left the receiver dangling.

Sam cursed when the call dropped. He did a quick reverse search of the phone number - it was for a trucking company in Fort Erie.

Sam didn't think twice, Fort Erie was an hour and a half down the Q.E.W, longer if traffic was bad, shorter if ...

"Frank!" He yelled heading for the door.

Frank came running. "Yeah, man?"

"I'm goin' to get her back, tell Blackstone to ..."

"Tell me to what?"

"Get your shit together. Unlike you, I don't give a damn about your drug bust, we're missing officers, I intend to get them back."

There was something in his tone and the look on his face, Jacob Blackstone didn't for a second doubt he would.

"You don't know where she is."

"I know where she was 5 minutes ago, that's all I need," and with that Sam was gone.

Sam was at the Fort Erie city limits just under an hour later. He had used lights and siren to get out of the GTA.

He found the trucking company. It didn't take long to find a trailer with the door down. He tried to lift it and it pushed itself back down.

"McNally? You in there? Open the door."

Andy and Nick let the door slide up.

Sam couldn't help the smile as he said, "Hi."

She smiled back. "Hi."

"How was your trip?"

Andy sighed. "Good."

"How are you?"

"Great. It's good to see you."

Sam clapped Nick on the shoulder before they walked out of the warehouse.

Back in Toronto Nick and Andy were informed that the op had been a success with _all_ the players being taken down.

Blackstone shook Sam's hand. "Thanks."

Sam nodded. Looking at Andy and Nick he said, "You can do your debrief here."

Both smiled their appreciation being able to do it at 'home'.

"Come on kids, let's go," Blackstone said as he walked down the hall to an office.

Andy was back in uniform the next day.

Andy and Nick were in the gun cage when Sam walked in, in street clothes. She hadn't thought about it when she saw him the day before then Nick congratulated him.

Andy was stunned to learn that while she'd been gone Sam had taken the exam and had joined the D's.

She was surprised during Parade when Frank announced that their stuff had been sent up from Fort Erie. There were boxes for both her and Nick. Sitting on top were her notebooks. One she would hand in as her notes from the op, the other ...

That night after a long warm shower she curled up with a glass of wine, a pen and her books.

She handed her notes from the op in but couldn't get up the courage to give Sam the one she'd kept for him. She wrote her thoughts down every day as if she were talking to him the way they used to talk, before ...


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: WOW! Y'all blow me away! THANK YOU for the love you gave Chapter 1! **

**A friendly reminder: My stories aren't here so you can bitch because you don't like the way the writers write the show or bash the characters they create ...**

* * *

They'd been home for a week and Andy _still_ had the second book, her 'conversations' with Sam.

To say things were strained between her and Nick was an understatement. She still hadn't forgiven him for being able to pull the trigger. He was still holding onto the argument that he knew the gun wasn't loaded. Andy didn't really care, she still woke up in cold sweats.

Nick walked into Parade and sat beside her, without a word, Andy moved.

"Come on, Andy! You gotta talk to me at some point!"

"Actually Nick, no, I don't."

"You gotta forgive me sooner or later ..."

"_Don't bet on it, Army boy_ ..."

Nobody knew what went down in Fort Erie but for Andy to tell Nick off like that after them spending six months together, it _had_ to be big.

Andy was on desk and Sam had got called out to a scene when she finally got up the nerve. It was mid-shift so she knew the locker room was empty. Opening his locker, she put the book where she knew he'd notice it before closing the door and walking back to the desk. End of shift she made sure she was nowhere around.

Sam went to the locker room after shift to grab his stuff. He opened the door to find not a note, but a note_book_. You didn't have to be a rocket scientist to figure out where it came from, or more accurately _who_ it came from.

Grabbing it, Sam sat on the bench and opened it to the first page.

"Hey brother, you comin' to the Penny?" Oliver asked beside him.

Sam looked at Oliver as he closed the book. "Actually, brother, I think I'm just gonna head home. See ya tomorrow." He stood up and put the book in his bag before shutting the door. He clapped Oliver on the shoulder as he turned and walked away.

At home, Sam sat on his couch with a beer and looked at the notebook. Sam turned the page to find a "Day 2" followed by a "Day 3" he flipped through to see it went all the way through their time away. Closing the book he opened it again to the first page. He smiled sadly as he read:

_**Day 1**_

_**Hi,**_

_**By now you know I'm gone.**_

_**Remember that night at the Penny, after we sent Emily to 'Kelowna', you asked me if I was scared and I said no, because you were there? I wish you were here. I know it sounds crazy, but I do. I need to know you think I can do this.**_

_**Remember the Landry deal, when you said you wanted to hear me say I was scared and I said I was terrified? After it was over you said I didn't have to fake it anymore ... I'll be faking a relationship with Nick for God knows how long. Oh, and I'm terrified!**_

_**You told me that night there was nobody you'd rather have with you ... I wish I knew if Nick was that confident in me, that I was that confident in **__**him**__** ...**_

_**Remember that night at the Alpine? Traci and Brennan were playing double or nothing. You and I were sitting at the table, talking without giving our covers away. You asked how things were, I said I was lonely and you said you wondered why you got into the business, your way of telling me you wondered why you took the job. Sitting here in this cover apartment tonight, yeah, Nick is here, but I'm lonely 'cause I'm not with you and I know how you felt because I'm wondering why I took this job.**_

_**I know it doesn't make up for anything, but I'm sorry ... for everything.**_

_**If today was my last day, if this is the last thing I get to tell you ... yesterday, today, always ...**_

_**I love you, I miss you ...**_

_**Andy**_

Sam read every day. The way she signed _If today was my last day, if this is the last thing I get to tell you_ broke his heart then he got to the last one ...

_**Day 182**_

_**Hi,**_

_**How crazy was today?! I woke up this morning **__**beyond**__** ready to go home ... and that was **__**before**__** all hell broke loose!**_

_**The guys Nick was working with showed up and said there was a change in plans and took him. Our handler told me to go look around, that anything I found would be covered under the warrants.**_

_**I don't **__**think**__** he expected them to kidnap me. I know, it's no excuse ... but then I didn't expect **__**Nick**__** to ... It was never really a goal of mine to have my **__**partner**__** put a gun to my head and pull the trigger!**_

_**That Nick **__**could**__** and **__**did**__** ...**_

_**I was hurt, I was **__**pissed**__** but if I wanted out of there alive I had to put those feelings aside when the chance to run came.**_

_**I don't think I've **__**ever**__** been so happy to see someone as I was when we lifted that trailer door. When I first heard your voice I thought I was dreaming, afraid I wanted you there so badly that I was hearing what I **__**wanted**__** to hear.**_

_**I don't know how you found us, but ... I'll never be able to thank you.**_

_**You saved my life ... again.**_

_**For the last 181 days, I didn't know when or **__**if**__** I was coming home, so I've signed these the same way, but **__**you**__** brought me home so tonight I'll simply close the book with ...**_

_**I love you.**_

_**Andy**_

Sam was so mad he could barely see straight. What the hell was Collins thinking pointing a gun at her? What the hell possessed him to pull the God damn trigger?!

More than once, Sam found himself phone in hand, Andy's number on the screen but stopped himself from hitting 'connect'. One, he didn't want to upset her and two, he had _no_ idea what to say. Although he _was_ gonna have something to say to Collins tomorrow.

Andy walked into Parade the next day to see Nick sitting at the table talking to Gail. She'd decked him when they got back but they seemed to have gotten passed that. Andy walked passed intending to ignore him but he reached out and grabbed her. "Andy ..."

Through gritted teeth, Andy hissed, "Let .. Go .. Of .. Me!"

Sam chose that moment to walk in.

"There a problem, McNally?"

"It's fine."

Sam growled slightly. "Collins, she said to let her go ..."

Nick quickly released her.

Sam clapped Nick on the shoulder. "We need to talk."

Nick shrugged, as far as he knew the only ones that knew what happened in Fort Erie were he and Andy, so he thought Sam just wanted to talk about what he'd seen in the Parade Room. The swing took him completely by surprise. It landed him on his ass. He was pretty sure Swarek busted his jaw. He got to his feet. "What the hell was _that_ for?"

"That was for putting a gun to your partners head. _This_ is for pulling the trigger!" Sam coldcocked him.

Sam ran into Diaz and Epstein and told them that Collins needed some help in the gym.

Entering the Parade Room, Sam looked at Andy. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

Andy checked her watch, they only had a few minutes before Parade and she was pretty sure she knew what it was about.

She was saved from answering when Frank walked in. Sam immediately went to speak to him. Frank shook his head.

Sam walked to the back and watched as Andy took a seat at another table. She watched as Dov, Chris and Nick came in a few minutes later. Nick had an ice pack against his jaw and his nose was packed liked it was bleeding and possibly broken.

They were at the coffee station after Parade.

"You read it," it was a statement, not a question.

"Last night."

"I'm sorry."

"You said that ... for 181 days, McNally."

Andy couldn't help the smile.

"I'm sorry I haven't called to check up on you," he said so softly she barely heard.

"It's ok, Sam. Things change, I get it. I just ..."

"That's _not_ why I haven't called. I thought you wouldn't wanna talk to me; then last night, after I read your letters, I _couldn't_ 'cause I didn't know _what_ to say and I didn't wanna upset you."

"So you thought you'd beat the shit outta Nick?" she asked with a small laugh.

"I did _not_ beat the shit out of him. I took _two_ swings ..."

"Is that what you wanted to talk about before Parade or the notebook?"

"Since they're related, both, I guess."

Andy grabbed his hand and saw the swelling and bruising had already started.

"Oh! My God! What were you thinking?! Frank's gonna kill me," she said softly.

"No he won't. I told him it was all on me. I was thinkin', he had it comin' ..."

Frank came up to them. "You're lucky, Sammy, Collins just wants to put it behind him. Says it closes the book on Dakota."

"Maybe for him," Andy mumbled.

"Why do I get the feelin' there's somethin' I don't know?"

"Like what, brother?"

Frank didn't even bother. "McNally, since Sammy losin' his temper usually has t'do with you, you're off the clock. Take Sammy home and see that he takes care of that hand." Frank looked at Sam. "Including the doctor if necessary." Sam rolled his eyes.

"Yes, Sir."

Turning to Sam she said, "Keys?"

"You wanna drive my truck?"

"Don't be such a baby, Sam. It's not the first time."

That remark earned her a raised eyebrow. She held out her hand.

"Fine," he huffed, "go get changed. I'll meet you at the truck."

"Do you need anything from your locker?"

"No."

"Ok. See ya in a few minutes."

Andy wasted no time getting changed.

Sam was leaning against the hood of the truck when she stepped into the lot.

The drive to Sam's was filled with an awkward silence. It was the first time they'd been alone in over 8 months.

Andy opened Sam's door and went straight to his kitchen for some ice.

Andy came back into the living room and sat on the couch, her inner leg tucked under her as she faced Sam.

"Gimme that hand, Swarek," she said as she placed it in her lap before putting the ice on it.

"If the swelling hasn't gone down in a couple of hours I'm takin' you to the doctor."

Sam thought back to the day of the blackout after he'd sliced his hand on the broken glass of the ice cream truck window, when she had held his hand to look at it. Tongue in cheek, he asked, "What're you? My mother?" Truth was, Andy showed more concern than his mother ever had.

Andy couldn't help but laugh, thinking about the last time he'd hurt his hand. "No ..."

10 minutes later Andy propped his hand up on a pillow before getting up. "Coffee?"

"Sure."

Andy went to the kitchen and started a pot of coffee. "Hey Sam? I shoulda asked, do you have, need anything for pain?"

"I'll take somethin' later."

Andy hadn't expected his voice to be so close and gave a small squeal of surprise making Sam laugh.

"Aren't you supposed to be on the couch ..."

"McNally, it's bruised knuckles ... I think I can get up and move."

Andy shook her head. The coffee pot beeped a few minutes later and when Sam went to grab a cup Andy stood in front of the cupboard so he couldn't open it.

"McNally, if my hand _didn't_ hurt ..."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. If you weren't hurt you'd lift me outta the way."

Sam shrugged.

"Alright, Swarek, get your ass back to the couch and I'll bring your coffee."

"McNally ..."

"I haven't been gone _that_ long, Sam, and I'm not that old that I've forgot, now go!" she said as she grabbed the cups and fixed their coffees.

Sam held up both hands and laughed as he walked back into the living room.

Andy laughed as she fixed their coffees. It felt so easy, so natural, the way it used to be.

"What happened with us?"

Andy carried their coffees in, placing them out of the way before pulling the coffee table within Sam's reach. She moved their cups onto the coffee table.

"That's easy. I screwed up and you left before I could fix it."

Andy pulled her legs underneath her and sat facing Sam as she put the pillow in her lap. "You broke up with me."

"Yeah, and you left."

"Sam, you broke my heart."

"Well, you got me back when you took mine with you."

Andy couldn't look at him so she looked at her lap.

Sam reached for his coffee with his good hand.

"I shoulda told you I was sorry, that I made a mistake, that I'd do anything to make it up to you, that I wanted to make us work ... You didn't feel the same way ..."

Andy looked at Sam a little shocked. "Yeah, I did ..."

Sam smiled sadly. "I didn't know that til I got your letter ... after you left."

Andy finished her coffee and moved the pillow out of her lap.

"You _wanted_," she whispered as she made to stand up.

Sam reached for her hand. "Where d'you think you're goin'?"

"You need more ice," she said before practically running into the kitchen.

Sam chased after her. She had both hands braced on the counter. He walked up behind her and wrapped both arms around her waist.

"You've run away from me twice, I'm not lettin' you do it again," he whispered against her ear.


	3. Chapter 3

**WOW! Thank y'all SO much!**

**A/N: I don't know if Marlo is going to make an appearance in this fic in future chapters or not. But here's a heads up, ANY negative response/comments about her or ANY character will result in this story being deleted. Just because YOU didn't like Marlo on the show doesn't mean *I* had a problem w/ her or wanna read you bitch about her ... I get that we all don't like EVERY character (I own MY dislike of Luke!) but there's a BIG difference between saying "I've never liked that character or the way they wrote this" and bashing the character/storyline and telling an author they can't put a character in because you didn't like them ...**

* * *

There were tears in Andy's eyes when Sam turned her to face him.

Sam rested his forehead against Andy's. His arms around her waist.

Andy put her hands on Sam's sides.

They stood there silently for a few minutes neither really knowing what else to say when they each breathed, "I'm sorry."

Sam grabbed her hand and led her back into the living room. Sitting down he pulled her into his lap.

Sam was running his hand up her back. They sat there lost in thought for a few minutes before Andy whispered, "Why?"

"Why what?"

"You said I wouldn't get rid of you without a fight, but you didn't. I just wanna know _why_ we weren't worth fighting for."

Sam closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against hers.

"We were. I just didn't ... for the first time in my life I had someone I'm scared to lose, but instead of tellin' you that, I pushed you away."

Andy gasped in shocked. "_Why_, Sam?"

Sam gave a self-deprecating laugh. "Because I _never_ want you to go through what Traci went through and I thought I was doin' the right thing."

Andy shook her head. "You think I wasn't scared every time we answered a call? Because I was, but I'd never ask you to stop doing what you love because of me."

"What I _love_ is you."

Andy looked at him, shocked.

"I know, I shoulda told you before and I'm sorry I didn't."

Andy was speechless. She longed to hear Sam say those words thinking she'd only ever hear him say them in her dreams.

Andy touched his face and whispered, "If this is a dream ..."

Sam smiled, "It's no dream, McNally, I promise. I loved you 6 months ago, I love you today and I'll love you forever."

Andy blinked and a tear ran down her cheek. Sam wiped it away.

Andy leaned in and kissed him almost like she thought he was a dream. When her lips touched his Sam felt like _he_ was the one dreaming.

When Andy pulled away a few seconds later she smiled shyly.

Sam couldn't help the dimples.

Andy sat back and took his hand. "You need more ice," she whispered softly.

"What I _need_ is _you_ ..."

Andy smiled as she got up. Leaning over to kiss his cheek she whispered, "You're not gettin' rid of me, Swarek."

They spent the rest of the day curled up on Sam's couch talking. Every once in a while Andy would go get ice for Sam's hand.

"What d'ya wanna eat, McNally?" Sam asked around 5:30.

"I don't care, you better than anyone know I'm easy."

They burst out laughing at the memory of when she'd said that at the Barn after the blackout.

"Ok, wrong choice of words ... then and now," Andy gasped trying to get air back in her lungs.

"I don't know, McNally, might be fun to test that out ..."

Andy hit him in the chest making Sam laugh more.

"Pizza? Chinese? Swiss Chalet?"

"Whatever you want."

"You gonna steal my fries if I get Chalet?"

Andy grinned. "Maybe."

Sam laughed and made the call.

They teased each other while they waited for the delivery.

They talked while they ate. Sam asked about the letters.

"I don't remember when or even _why_ you told me, but you made the comment about having hard copy notes not electronic ones that could be deleted, so before we left I got notebooks. I didn't _plan_ the letters, but I had two books ... I was just sittin' there, I had just written my notes for the op and really missed you and wished you were there to talk to so I grabbed the second notebook ... it helped to "talk" to you, even if it was through letters you may never get."

Before they knew it, it was midnight. Andy got up.

"Better let you get to bed and get some sleep."

Sam grabbed her hand. "Goin' somewhere?"

Andy smiled softly. "Home."

"I don't think so, Andy, not after what you told me ..."

It was in her last letter, so Sam knew about Nick pointing the gun and pulling the trigger, it was why Sam _hit_ Nick and bruised his knuckles, but during their talk she told him _everything_, _including_ how she woke up in cold sweats.

"Sam, no, I don't ..."

"Don't what? Want to argue? Good, 'cause neither do I. You can sleep in one of my shirts."

Andy shook her head knowing it was a lesson in futility to argue with that tone. They went upstairs and got ready for bed.

Sometime during the night Andy felt the pressure of the gun to her head, the cement floor beneath her knees. She was crying, _begging_ Nick _not_ to pull the trigger ...

Andy sat up in bed, looking around. Sam was in bed next to her. She got up and padded to the bathroom. When she came back and crawled into bed Sam wrapped both arms around her. "I'm right here," he tightened his hold. "I'm gonna hold on to you and never let go."

Andy relaxed into his arms and whispered, "I'm sorry I woke you," her voice was still thick with tears.

Sam kissed her shoulder. "I'm not."

For the first time since they'd been home, Andy closed her eyes without the fear of another nightmare.

Andy woke the next morning when Sam got out of bed.

"Sam?"

"Go back to sleep."

"Still runnin' out on me, huh?"

Sam laughed as he leaned over and kissed her. "Only as far as the coffee pot."

Andy sat up. "Sam, no. You can't carry two cups of coffee or a tray with one hand."

Sam gave a frustrated sigh as he pulled her out of bed. Wrapping both arms around her, he asked, "Did you worry this much the first time we were together?"

Andy wrapped her arms around his waist. "2 words - Jamie Brennan."

Sam shook his head. "The coffee pot _isn't_ gonna try to kill me, McNally."

"_Not_ funny."

Sam kissed her cheek. "Sorry."

Downstairs Andy let Sam get their coffees. Sam sat down and pulled Andy into his lap making her laugh. Sam rolled his eyes when she grabbed his hand.

"You worry too much," he mumbled against her temple.

"In case you forgot, it's _my_ fault you even _got_ hurt ... again."

"Again?"

"Brennan."

"That was _not_ your fault, I got made because Boyd is an arrogant ass."

Andy giggled. "I won't argue that."

"Didn't think you would."

Andy held his hand in hers. "I really should've taken you to the doctor so we got it checked out," she said softly.

Sam flexed his fingers. "Nope. They're fine."

"Sam ..."

Anything else she would have said was cut off when Sam's phone rang.

"Swarek."

Andy listened as Sam told Frank that his knuckles were still slightly swollen.

"She's here, hang on," Sam passed her the phone.

"Hello?"

"Can he fire a gun, McNally?"

"No, Sir."

"You better than anybody know how stubborn he can be, there's no way I can keep him outta here, you know that right?"

Andy laughed. "Yes, Sir."

"Haul his ass in here for Parade and if you're ok with it, I'm gonna assign you to help him with ... whatever."

"Yes, Sir," Andy disconnected the call and jumped off Sam's lap.

"Hey, where d'you think you're goin'?"

"Shower. Parade's in an hour."

"You wanna share a shower, McNally? We haven't done that ..."

Andy stopped in the doorway. "Since the night you dumped me in the rain? Well, technically that wasn't a shower ..."

Sam got up and chased after her. She was giggling by the time they got to his bedroom. "Not funny, McNally," he said as he wrapped an arm around her waist pulling her back against him.

Andy sobered as she turned and wrapped her arms around his waist. "Sorry," she whispered leaning up to kiss him.

"Alright woman, we _both_ need a shower and unless you wanna shower together ..."

"Sam, we don't have time!"

"Well at least you didn't say _no_," he teased.

Andy shook her head and headed for the bathroom.

"We need to stop by my place so I can change. I didn't plan on a sleepover last night," she called out.

"You should plan on it tonight," Sam called back before she closed the door.

45 minutes later Andy pulled into the lot at the barn.

As soon as Andy was around the front of the truck Sam reached for her hand.

"Forget it, Sam, you're not gettin' your keys until that hand heals."

"McNally, you may wanna _look_ at the keys you grabbed this mornin' ..."

They were at the door so Andy would have to look at them later.

Andy smiled when she stepped out of the locker room and saw Sam there waiting.

"Waitin' on somebody, Detective?"

Sam smiled as he pushed off the wall. They walked to Parade. When Andy refused to even acknowledge him Sam held his breath hoping Collins wouldn't push it. He didn't really want to go another round with him ... but he would if he had to.

Nick just nodded as Sam walked passed.

Heads turned when Frank announced that Andy would be with Sam for the next few days.  
As far as anyone knew they had barely spoken since Andy's return. Even Frank didn't know they'd worked it out, he just _hoped_ they'd started to talk.

In the D's office it was the first time Traci had seen Sam since Parade the day before.

Taking in his hand she looked at him. "Sam, what'd you do?"

Sam was pretty sure only three people knew about Fort Erie. "Sorry, Nash, no story for Leo ... or his mom."

He chuckled when Traci mumbled, "Well damn."

Traci looked at Andy. "What'd you do to piss Frank off that he put you on Swarek babysitting detail?"

Sam looked at Traci, eyebrow raised.

"Own it, Swarek. You were each other's babysitters before ..." Traci let what she was gonna say die.

"It's ok to say it, Trac. We all know he dumped me before I left."

Sam's low growl had Traci looking between them. "Ok, you two, what's goin' on? And _don't_ say it's nothing, I've known you separately _and_ together ..."

Sam looked at Andy. "Nothin' to tell Nash, I just don't like bein' reminded of my mistakes."

Nash didn't buy it but she knew them both well enough to know you didn't get anything out of them unless they wanted to tell it.

"I'll be in one of the other offices."

Their day wouldn't end soon enough for Sam. They got called to a couple scenes and Andy had to drive and take notes because Sam's hand was still too sore to hold a pen.

"Think of it this way, Sam, you got somebody to do your paperwork for a few days."

"Not that I wouldn't do it again in a heartbeat, but I think Frank would appreciate if I didn't."

"He's not the only one," Andy said as she sat on his desk.

End of shift Andy changed without bothering to shower. She'd grab it at Sam's while he was icing his hand.

He called for delivery before Andy even left the lot.

They were curled up on Sam's couch eating pizza.

"I _still_ need a shower," Andy said between bites.

"You know where it is, you were in it this morning."

"Yeah, I just hope it's not mad I'm late ... we had plans for right after shift," she deadpanned. Sam burst out laughing.

After they finished eating, Andy went for her shower and returned to the living room wearing the T-shirt Sam had given her for a nightshirt the night before. "Sorry, I forgot to pack a pair of pajamas."

Sam grabbed her pulling her into his lap before she could sit on the other end. "You can forget them anytime ..."

Andy giggled as she kissed him.

"I'm gonna take the wet hair to mean you and my shower made up?"

Andy wrapped his arms around herself so she could look at his hand.

"Subtle, McNally, real subtle."

"You haven't iced your hand once today, Sam. It's gotta hurt."

Sam kissed her temple. "You worry too much."

Andy turned so she was looking at him. "Nice to meet you pot, I'm kettle ..."

Sam laughed. "Funny."

Andy grinned. "Thank you," she said as she got up and went to the kitchen.

Sam followed her into the kitchen. "You _really_ wanna put ice on me knowin' my hands are gonna be on _you_ after it comes off?"

"Ice or doctor, your call."

Sam scowled.

Andy laughed as she got the ice. They walked back into the living room. Andy stepped back when Sam made to grab her, when Sam growled she laughed and kissed his cheek before sitting with his hand in her lap. 10 long minutes later she finally took the ice off Sam's hand. Sam put his hand on Andy's leg, she yelped from the cold.

"You're evil."

Sam laughed. "I warned you." He pulled her so she was leaning back against him, wrapping both arms around her.

Kissing her temple he rubbed his hands up and down her arm as he thought aloud. "Nash knows."

Andy looked at him and smiled. "We can't hide forever."

"Who's hiding?"

Andy laughed. Ok so technically they _weren't_ hiding their relationship but ...

"So when and _how_ d'you wanna tell everybody we're back together?"

"We're back together?" she teased.

"Woman, if I have to answer that ..."

Andy laughed as she leaned up to kiss him. "No."

"So, how d'you wanna do this?"

Andy thought for a minute. "Drinks at the Penny."

"You wanna tell our friends over drinks?"

"No! We start with _you_ buyin' _me_ a drink ..."

"_Only_ if I still get to bring you home ..."

"Gotta get home _somehow_ and if you're givin' me a ride _from_ the Barn ..."

Sam's phone rang.

"Hey, brother."

Sam laughed. "Department issued babysitter."

Andy glared at Sam, he winked at her. She didn't smile.

"Yeah, brother, I'll get McNally to drive me over. I'll see ya in 20." He disconnected the call.

"You wanna get dressed and we'll go for that first drink now?"

Andy got up. "I'm gonna get dressed, but y'know what? I think I'll pass on the drink."

She came back down a few minutes later. "I'll drop you off and you can either call me to pick you up or get Oliver to bring you home."

"What the hell?" Sam asked looking at the bag at her feet. "Where d'you think you're goin'?"

"Home."

Sam raised an eyebrow.

"You don't need me here ..."

Sam walked over to her. When she wouldn't look at him he cupped her face in his hands and made sure she looked at him as he said, "Says who?"

She didn't answer. He wrapped his arms around her waist. Leaning his forehead against hers he whispered, "Even if I didn't, I _want_ you here ..."

There were tears in Andy's eyes when she looked at him.

"Sam, we're _barely_ back together and you just called me your babysitter ..."

Sam pulled her flush against him. "No, _Nash_ called you my babysitter. Nobody knows _why_, but Nash was right, everybody knows you're Frank's 'go to' when he wants to keep tabs on me at least on duty; off, I'm spendin' time with my girlfriend."

Andy wrapped her arms around his waist as her head dropped to his chest. "Girlfriend, huh?"

Sam kissed the back of her neck. "Got a problem with me callin' you my girlfriend, woman?"

Andy looked up at him and smiled. "Nope."

"Good. Leave the bag, grab your keys and let's go."

"_My_ keys?"

Sam smiled as he steered her towards the door. "Let's go."

They held hands as Andy drove to the Penny. Sam stole a kiss before opening the door.

Sam had his hand on her back and felt her stiffen when she saw Nick. He whispered, "Ignore him."

Andy took a deep breath and went to join her fellow rookies while Sam joined Oliver at the bar. "Hey, brother, glad you could talk McNally into bringin' ya."

Sam shrugged as he watched her with her friends.

While Oliver was otherwise occupied Sam made arrangements with Liam for Andy to be on his tab.

Liam set a scotch on the bar in front of Sam. "Do me a favor, man?"

"What's that, Sammy?"

"Take a beer to McNally for me?"

Liam laughed. "Sure man."

Liam took the beer to the table and everyone turned to look at him. "From Sammy, Andy." Andy smiled as Liam walked away.


	4. Chapter 4

**You guys blow me away! Thank you! **

**A/N: Pretty sure this is one of the chapters in this fic the other ½ of my brain would say needs a **TISSUE WARNING** so, here it is ... Hope y'all are still enjoyin' the ride!**

* * *

Everybody looked at Andy.

"What?"

"Swarek's buyin' you drinks?"

"Does this mean ..."

Andy rolled her eyes. "Seriously? It's probably just a thank you for putting up with him yesterday and today."

Nobody bought Andy's excuse but none would call her on it.

At the bar, Oliver smiled as he watched Sam.

"Alright brother, talk to me."

"About?"

Oliver pointed to Sam's hand. "There's a damn good place to start ... what the hell happened?"

"I bruised my knuckles."

"Yeah, I'm bettin' when they connected with Collins' face, what I wanna know is _why_? _What_ did he do to McNally?!"

"Who says he did anything?"

Oliver laughed. "Brother, I have known you _how_ many years?!"

Sam smirked as he took a drink.

"I'm a copper, the fact that our girl called him 'Army Boy' and has been ignoring him since they got back, tells me somethin' happened. _You_, my brother, _know_ what that somethin' is and you didn't like it ..."

"Did you drag me down here for a drink or an interrogation?"

"Have you told that girl how you feel?"

"And how is that?" Sam asked dryly.

Oliver rolled his eyes as he finished his drink and signaled to Liam for another.

Sam declined another round and settled up with Liam before finishing his own and getting up. "See ya tomorrow, brother."

"See ya, brother."

Sam knew she'd know when he left so he simply dropped the tailgate and waited. He didn't have to wait long.

"Why didn't you come get me?"

"Doesn't matter ... you ready to go?"

Andy stepped in front of him. "Yeah, it does," she said softly.

Sam hooked his legs around hers, drawing her closer as he put his hands on her sides. "Didn't wanna add fuel to the fire, but I swear, you're gonna have to check me for grill marks."

Andy laughed softly. "You too?"

"You ok?"

"I'm fine."

"Hey, what is it?"

"Just not used to bein' home yet, I guess. It's like _my_ life got put on pause but the rest of the world kept going and I'm still tryin' to catch up."

Sam laughed, he knew _that_ feeling. Andy didn't know what was funny. Sam kissed her cheek as he pushed her back so he could hop off the tailgate. "Been there."

"You had _no_ problem re-acclimating after you came back."

"The job stays the same, no matter how long you're gone. And personally, it gets easier the more you do ... kinda."

"Yeah, well, as great an experience as this was to prove to _myself_ that I could do it, I don't know if I'd do another one."

Sam wrapped his arms around her and whispered, "Don't judge them all off one."

Neither knew Oliver had come out of the Penny and overheard as Andy said, "Yeah, I can only _hope_ all partners wouldn't put a gun to my head."

"He _what_?!"

Andy gasped in shock and jumped away from Sam.

Oliver looked at Sam. "Explains your knuckles brother."

Sam shrugged.

Oliver looked at Andy who looked at Sam. "Give us a minute?"

Sam smiled and gave them space.

Andy hopped up on the tailgate, Oliver sat next to her.

"Haven't talked much since you got back."

"Yeah, I'm sorry, like I just told Sam, _my_ life paused but everybody else's kept goin' and I feel like I'm still tryin' to catch up ... how are you?"

"Better now that my rookie's home safe."

"Oliver ..."

Oliver smiled at her.

"How are things ..."

Oliver knew what she was asking. "We tried, well, _I_ tried, she ... she went out and got a boy toy."

"Oliver, I'm so sorry."

"Don't be." He looked in Sam's direction. "Relationships only work when both people want it."

"Why do I get the feeling you're not talkin' about you anymore?"

"We're not. We're gonna sit here and you're gonna tell me what happened that Collins lost his damn senses."

"It doesn't matter."

"The hell it doesn't!"

"Oliver, it's over, I'm home. I'm tryin' to put it behind me and I can't do that if both you _and_ Sam ... I just wanna get _my_ life back."

"Does that include your relationship with Sam?"

Andy hugged him. "I missed you."

"Missed you too. Do me a favor? _Don't_ do that again."

Andy laughed. "Not anytime soon, I promise."

"Do I need to check you for grill marks, McNally?" Sam asked walking up to the truck.

"Grilled? Who's gettin' grilled? Though that _does_ sound like somethin' we should do as soon as you guys are back together."

Both Sam and Andy laughed.

"You should know, when he _wasn't_ worryin' about you, he was callin' _me_ every kind of idiot because you left."

"No, I called you every kind of idiot because you walked away from the best thing that's ever happened to you!"

"Are you gonna shut up long enough for us to tell you we talked?"

"You did? When?"

Andy shook her head and laughed as Sam rolled his eyes.

"Yesterday, after I, uh, bruised my knuckles, Frank, had her take me home ..."

"You bruised your knuckles because of the letters ..."

"What letters?"

Andy smiled slightly. "I wrote Sam a letter every day I was gone. It took me a week, but I put the notebook in his locker the day before yesterday."

"Her 'assignment' yesterday was me, so ... we had all day and nothin' t'do except watch the color and size of my fingers change so we did what we _didn't_ do before ... or I didn't do before, we talked."

Oliver smiled. "Does this mean ..."

Andy smiled. "We're working on it."

Oliver smiled and hopped off the tailgate. They were working on it and that was enough. They'd find their way back to each other and that was all he wanted - his best friend and the girl of his dreams together and happy.

"Do me a favor?"

"What's that?"

Take care of ... each other."

Sam smiled and put an arm around Andy after she jumped off the tailgate.

Andy smiled as she put her head against his shoulder before she stepped up to hug Oliver.

Oliver kissed her temple as he wrapped her up in a hug. "You owe me a drink and a proper catch up."

Andy laughed. "Ok."

Oliver let her go and looked at Sam. "See ya tomorrow."

Sam smiled and nodded. "See ya, brother." He turned to Andy. "Ready to go, home?"

"Ready whenever you are."

Sam kissed her. "Let's go."

Andy stayed at Sam's for another 2 nights, the only nightmare she had was that first night. Sam objected when Andy decided to stay at her place ... alone.

"You haven't had a nightmare in 3 days, you said yourself, you had them every day ..."

"You told me a _long_ time ago you weren't gonna hold my hand ..."

"Yeah, and we both know I don't do well with rules ... even my own."

Andy took his hand. Sam pulled her into his lap. "I'll go on one condition ..."

Andy rolled her eyes. "Why am I afraid to ask?"

Sam rubbed patterns on the back of her hand. "You have a nightmare you come to my place."

"Sam, no, I'm not gonna bother ..."

"Either you promise to come to the house when you wake up or I'm not goin' anywhere."

"And how do you expect me to get there or get in? You don't like me walkin' after midnight and I'm pretty sure if I even _suggest_ a cab ..."

Sam growled at the mention of the cab. After what happened with Gail Sam wasn't big on girls taking cabs alone. "_I'll_ take the cab, _you_ keep the truck. As for how you get in, you have keys, use them."

Andy looked at him.

"Still haven't looked at 'em have you?"

Sam set her on the cushion next to him and got up and went to grab the keys. He tossed them at her as he walked back to the couch and sat next to her.

Andy caught the keys. She'd had them for the last 3 days and hadn't even noticed the chain they were on. Along with the key to Sam's truck were a set of house keys. It looked like his keys except ... she gasped when she saw the lion's heart. She looked at Sam with tears in her eyes. "What?"

Sam smiled as he took the keys from her. "I got it after you left. It helped me remember you had the strength and heart to come home safe. I carried it instead of mine for 6 months. I know you just got home, that we're just starting to work our way back, but ... I want ... need you to know, there was a reason I didn't ask for 'em back before things ..."

A tear fell and Sam wiped it away. "It's taken over 9 months, but it's time you got what belongs to you," Sam stood up, leaning over he kissed her. "They're yours to use when you want or need to."

Hours later Andy woke up in a cold sweat. Sam's voice rang in her ears _You wake up, I don't care __what__ time it is, you come crawl in bed and I'll wrap my arms around you_ ... she crawled out of bed and threw on a pair of jeans. Grabbing her keys she left not even thinking about clothes for the morning. She drove to Sam's and let herself in. As quietly as she could she made her way upstairs. Shaking her head she laughed softly when she saw her bag in his bedroom. She quickly stripped down to his T-shirt and climbed in next to him. No sooner was she laying down and his arms were around her.

"Y'ok?"

"I am now."

Sam kissed her shoulder and fell back to sleep. Andy soon joined him there.

It took being home almost 2 months before she was finally able to sleep through a night without Sam, not that he was too happy the nights she insisted on starting out at her apartment.

She still refused to acknowledge Nick so Frank kept him paired with the new rookie at the Division who also happened to be Frank's Goddaughter.

Andy wondered if Frank would trust him if he knew what happened.

As long as she had the nightmares Sam was fine with her keeping her distance from Collins, but once she was able to sleep through a night without him Sam knew she couldn't, she _wouldn't_ stay mad much longer, it wasn't who she was ... and she didn't. They were at the Penny, instead of going to the table she went to the bar with Sam and made arrangements with Liam for one of Nick's drinks to be on her. By the time she and Sam said their goodnights, she and Nick had agreed to put it behind them.

Despite everything that happened and the time that passed, it was hard for Andy to get used to not riding with Sam every day. Though somehow they always managed to work together during a shift.

For almost 2 months, anyone outside of 15 would think they were nothing but co-workers sharing a ride to the local bar, while their friends watched as broken hearts were mended.

It was another month and it was taking all the restraint Oliver had not to set them up on a date.

Andy's was a run of the mill shift, Sam's not so much. By the time Andy came in everybody was giving Sam plenty of space. Andy knocked on the door and laughed when Sam growled _"What?!"_

"Sorry to bother you, Detective, just wondering if I'm gonna get a ride home tonight?"

Sam looked at her and smiled for the first time all day. "Go get changed, I'll be there when you get out."

Andy smiled as she turned and headed for the lockers.

Andy no sooner cleared the door and Sam reached for her hand. Andy was shocked, they had yet to show _any_ signs of a personal relationship anywhere beyond his house, truck or her apartment.

Andy looked around before she wrapped her arm around his waist. "Hey, you ok?"

Sam didn't care if anyone saw them. He kissed her. Andy was smiling when Sam pulled away. "_Not_ that I'm complaining, but ..."

Sam shook his head. "It's nothin' you, me and a shower won't fix."

"Geez brother, you showering with a girl I couldn't love more if she was my daughter, is _not_ a mental image I want or need!" Oliver teased.

Andy curled into Sam trying to hide the blush while Sam rolled his eyes.

"Does this mean you 2 are _finally_ gonna make everything right in the world by telling it you're back together?"

Sam laughed as he looked down at Andy. "What d'ya say, McNally?"

Andy smiled shyly. "I'm ready if you are."

Oliver smiled and hugged them both. "Drinks?"

"Not tonight, man."

Oliver understood.

Sam let Andy drive because his thoughts were still on the case. She had barely cleared the lot before Sam had their dinner ordered.

The delivery car pulled in right behind them. Sam paid while Andy unlocked the door. Sam walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her. "What d'ya say we take that shower after we eat?"

After their shower they curled up on the couch with Andy's head in his lap when Andy started to laugh. Sam looked down at her. "What're you laughin' at, woman?"

"Oliver. His reaction to us takin' a shower together ..."

Sam laughed as he remembered.

"It wasn't personal. He woulda said the same thing to ..."

"If you mention GQ ..."

Sam raised an eyebrow. "I was gonna say _any_ boyfriend you have, _you_ named names ... and you sharin' a shower with _him_ isn't a mental image _I_ want!"

Andy giggled as she leaned up to kiss him. "Sorry."

"You sure you're ok with ..."

Andy got up and straddled Sam's lap. Wrapping her arms around his neck she said, "I am ... unless you got a girlfriend somewhere I don't know about," she teased.

Sam smiled as he wrapped his arms around her. "Only one I got and want is sittin' in my lap right now."

"Good to know you don't kiss just anybody in the Barn, Babe."

"You see me kissin' somebody in the Barn, you better be lookin' in the mirror."

Andy giggled as she kissed him.

They were coming up to the anniversary of Jerry's death when the Division was rocked to the core with a case that was eerily similar to Gail's abduction.

Traci was sent up to Guns and Gangs while Gail was pulled from the case. Luke was brought in. The first thing he wanted to do was pull Sam because of Sam's personal connection to the case, Frank told him to go for it but that Sam would work it anyway. During the briefing Luke told everyone to report directly to himself or Sam. As much as Sam disliked the other detective after the briefing was finished he handed it over, opting to be active. No one was surprised when Sam partnered himself with Andy.

Dealing with Sam was like navigating a mine field. He battled ghosts of that fateful day from the moment Andy walked into the Bullpen and uttered the words, "_the murder of Detective Barber_." He refused to let Andy out of his sight. When it was over, Sam was waiting for Andy outside the locker room. She barely cleared the door and he reached for her hand.

Walking out to the truck, the guilt and memories were still rolling off Sam in waves. While Sam threw their bags in the back, Andy popped the tailgate. Sam chuckled when he saw her stretched out in the box with her knees bent and her feet on the tailgate.

"You ok there, McNally?" he asked sitting next to her.

"Yep! Totally fine."

"Yeah, ok ... what is, Babe?"

"Just glad this day is over. How long is Luke gonna be here?"

Sam knew it bothered her when Callaghan came back. "Why? You wanna ..."

Andy sat up. "Don't finish that question unless you wanna sleep alone for the foreseeable future ..."

Sam laughed and wrapped his arm around her waist pulling her back against him as he leaned against the frame.

He kissed her temple. "So what memories did GQ stir up? Because I swear if seein' him is gonna bring back thoughts of Fort Erie ..."

Andy relaxed against him. "No, more like what happened _before_ Fort Erie ... add _why_ he was here ..."

"I'm sorry."

"I know. Do you mind if we go somewhere before we go back to your place?"

"Course not, we'll go anywhere you want. You wanna get somethin' to eat before or after?"

"After."

"Where we goin'?"

"You'll see," Andy said pulling away from Sam and getting off the tailgate.

"Can't wait to see where this goin' ..."

Andy laughed thinking back to the first time he'd said those words. Just like today, it had been a rough shift.

"How are we gettin' wherever we're goin'?"

Andy grinned and held up her keys. Sam laughed and climbed in the passenger seat.

Andy wasn't sure if Sam had been there since the funeral but after today _she_ needed to see Jerry, she hadn't been there since she got back.

Sam was shocked when the cemetery came into view.

"Babe?"

Andy parked the truck and turned in her seat. "I'm sorry. I get it if you can't, but I haven't been here since I got back and after today ... I _need_ to ..."

Sam reached for her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. There was a lot of guilt and bad memories stirred up for both of them, both in uniform and out. As hard as it was to be there, he'd be there ... for her. Letting go of her hand he opened the door and got out.

Hand in hand they walked to Jerry's grave.

It was hard to see Jerry's name chiseled in stone, his life reduced to the words -

_In Loving Memory of_

_Jerry Barber_

_1973 - 2012_

_He Gave His Life in Service of Others_

"I didn't know you came to see him," Sam said, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Traci needed someone to come with her, so ..." she shrugged. "At first it was hard because he'd been so pissed ..."

"He wasn't pissed at you ... or me, he was ..."

"Don't say he was worried about Gail, we both know he was pissed because I thought talking to the bartender was more important than the cab driver."

"We all take it personally when something happens to one of our own. With Gail, there was the added pressure of who she is. He was trying to stay objective, not let it get any more personal."

"Then after we broke up, I started comin' without Traci so I could talk to him about you ..."

"Do I even wanna know what you told him?"

"Mostly how much I missed you and asked him what t'do 'cause I didn't know ... you were so much more than just ... then you were nothing, I was nothing to _you_ and I just ..." tears cut off anything else she would have said.

Sam wrapped both arms around her.

"You've _never_ been nothing to me, woman, not since the moment you laid me on my ass. You'll never _be_ nothing to me because you're every dream I've ever had come true."

The tears were getting harder to hold back.

Looking over her shoulder at Jerry's stone, it was as if Sam was talking to him instead of Andy. "She's not the only one that has a hard time bein' here. I haven't come before now because ... because it's my fault you're here. I told her the morning after the hooker detail it's my job to protect the people I care about ... ok, so I didn't use those _exact_ words, I couldn't, she was a rookie, I was her T.O, hell, she was with GQ but from the moment Boyko partnered us, her safety was _my_ responsibility ... did one helluva job that day, didn't I? The woman I love got drugged, and you ... Trust me, brother, I know, you woulda chewed my ass out so bad for what I did, the way I treated her, but I'm not used to losing people that matter to me. Of letting the people who matter most down."

Andy gasped. "Sam, no."

"And then Jerry ... that was my fault ..."

Andy swallowed passed the emotion that threatened to choke her. "Sam, no. Jerry went in without backup. _None_ of what happened that day was your fault, it was Ross Perik."

"What about what happened _after_? You can't blame _that_ on anybody else ..."

Andy reached up and touched his face as she whispered, "I'm _not_ gonna let you beat yourself up over this. You did _everything_ you could to save him."

Sam couldn't fight the tears anymore.

One thing that _hadn't_ changed was how hard it was for Andy to see Sam in so much pain.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Apologies to those that DO like Luke, I don't ... & I make NO apologies for THAT!**

**The roller coaster continues ...**

* * *

When they finally got back to Sam's they were both emotionally drained. The day had taken a lot out of them _before_ they went to visit Jerry.

Sam called in an order when they left the cemetery. As soon as they got back to his place he turned both their phones off.

They had a shower after they ate and Andy was wearing one of his shirts. She was stretched out on the couch with her head in Sam's lap.

Sam had thought she'd fallen asleep while he brushed her hair when she softly asked, "Why?"

"Why what, Babe?"

Andy looked up at him. "Why did you leave the streets?"

They talked about a lot of things since she got back, but that was one bridge they hadn't crossed yet.

Sam couldn't look at her as he said, "Remember how I said I couldn't be a cop and be with you?"

"Like I'll ever forget," Andy said softly. They'd gotten past that night, but those words would always sting.

Sam ran his fingers through her hair. "It didn't take long after you left for Frank to figure out I couldn't be on the streets _without_ you. GQ was gone, Jerry ... so Frank asked if I'd take the exam. As you know, I passed ... and got partnered with Nash."

"But why?"

"The day after you left? When you weren't in Parade I asked Frank were you were, he wouldn't tell me. So I spent my shift tryin' to find you and got stonewalled every call.

We were all at the Penny after shift like it was any other day but Peck paid me a visit at the bar.

She asked if I found you. I didn't confirm it, but I didn't deny I tried to find you. She slid a piece of paper across the bar and said she'd used her name to get it.

I don't know if she thought I was gonna read it there ... I didn't. I paid my tab and came home. I'd already got _your_ note so whatever was in Peck's would just confirm it and I needed to be alone when I read those words.

Me 'n a bottle of Patrón became good friends that night. I passed out here on the couch. When I missed Parade Oliver came lookin' for me.

He found me in the locker room after I found your note. When he asked what was wrong, I just handed it to him. Seein' me drunk it didn't take him long to figure out that I found out where you were. He called Frank and told him he found me passed out on my couch.

I blamed myself for you takin' the assignment. If I hadn't ... then you wouldn't've ... I knew if anything happened to you while you were gone it was my fault ..."

"Sam, no. Why would you think that?"

"Because I wasn't there to protect you.

When I lashed out and said I shouldn't've listened to you because you were a rookie ... it had _nothin'_ t'do with your instincts and _everything_ t'do with blamin' myself for not bein' there when he needed me." Sam looked down at her, "I said I shoulda listened to _my_ instincts instead of yours but when it comes to _you_, my instinct is to protect you ..."

"Sam ..."

"Always has been. Jerry knew that. He understood it."

Andy blinked and tears rolled down her face. Sam wiped them away.

"It's not that I don't think you can do the job without me," Sam paused to swallow around the emotion that was threatening to choke him. Hell, you _showed_ me that first day when you walked into Anton's restaurant with Emily's flash drive and saved my ass ..."

"Even if I screwed up how many times?"

"We _all_ screw up, it's part of bein' a rookie ..."

"You mean _you_ blew a UC too?"

"Funny, no."

Andy grinned up at him.

Sam laughed as he shook his head. "God help their T.O's if our kids are like you."

Andy stared up at him open mouthed. "And I suppose if I asked _your_ T.O he'd tell me you were the _perfect_ rookie?"

Sam smiled, dimples on full display. "We're not talkin' about me ..."

That earned him a raised eyebrow.

Sam laughed as he leaned down and kissed her.

"If I was such a bad rookie _why_ didn't you switch with Oliver or Noelle or trade shifts?" she asked when Sam sat back up.

"Why the hell would I do _that_ when I _asked_ Boyko to put us together?"

"You what? Why?"

"Cute rookie, tried to kiss me ..."

"You asked to _stay_ my T.O because _you_ thought I tried to kiss you? What about after I got involved with your favorite pretty boy detective?"

"You hooked up with Jerry?! Does Nash know?"

"Funny. You _hate_ GQ, I never understood how you were ok with our relationship or why you didn't switch partners."

"I was _ok_ with your relationship because it was what you thought you wanted. As for stayin' your T.O ... you had the instincts, you just needed someone to show you how to follow 'em ... I wanted to be that someone."

"When I graduated the academy I wanted to make my Dad proud ... then I met you and I ..." she swallowed, "I needed _you_ to be proud of me. Most girls would want their boyfriend's approval, but instead of Luke's I wanted yours."

Sam wasn't sure what to say.

"Lookin' back, I guess I wanted yours because I knew you cared ..." she gave a soft snort of disgust, "The blackout shoulda been my clue. When he _chose_ to work the case instead of worrying about how I was dealing with the shooting." She closed her eyes, memories of what happened at the Rec. Center would _always_ hurt, the resulting events at the Barn a sad reminder how little she mattered to a man who claimed to love her. "Remember I said his proposal was spontaneous and sweet?"

Sam stopped running his fingers through her hair. If he had a list of things he _didn't_ wanna talk about, this would be at the top, but if she needed to talk about it, they'd talk about it. "Yeah."

"It wasn't. I forced his hand when I found it in his lockbox and he found me in it after I heard a noise and got his gun."

Sam closed his eyes, feeling bad for her.

"It didn't take long to put 2 and 2 together after I went to the hospital after he was shot and found him laughing with Jo when I couldn't even get him to smile to figure out that he bought the ring for her. I guess the way she looked at it shoulda been a clue but I guess that's why _I'm_ not a detective."

Sam was running his fingers through her hair again. He stopped so she'd look at him. "You won't find one in mine. Not one that _wasn't_ meant for you anyway."

Andy's mouth fell open in shock making Sam laugh. Nothing came out when she tried to speak and Sam couldn't resist teasing her. "Never thought I'd see you speechless, McNally."

When she would have got up Sam grabbed her. "Get back here."

Andy laughed. "Why? So you can keep teasing me?"

"No, so I can do this," he whispered before he kissed her.

There were tears in her eyes when Sam pulled back. He wrapped both arms around her as she put her head on his chest.

"He told me he went to the cabin ... but he was with her. He left his credit card at the hotel, they called while he was out for a run. He tried to cover it up by saying he left it there when he ordered me a spa day.

We hadn't even really started _planning_ the wedding and out of nowhere he didn't wanna wait ..."

"Oh, Christ!" Sam said softly, the pieces falling into place why his City Hall suggestion when Jerry and Traci had been planning their wedding had bothered her so much.

"He wanted a quickie ceremony at City Hall, didn't he?" he asked softly.

"Uh huh," was her softly spoken response.

"I'm sorry, Babe."

"For what?" The unshed tears made her voice thick.

"The cage, when I asked what was wrong with City Hall when Jerry and Traci were planning their wedding in the Dominican ..."

"You didn't know."

"I spent 10 hours a day almost every day for the better part of 3 years with you, I _shoulda_ known ..."

"You're not exactly a card carryin' member of the Luke Callaghan Fan Club, Babe," she laughed. "You were mad enough _before_ I told you ... how did you even find out?"

"You quit wearin' 'your' ring ... didn't have to be a detective to figure out what _that_ meant. You can't lie to save your cute little ass, so when you got all defensive ..."

Andy pushed away from him so she could look at him. "Excuse me? I lied for 6 _months_ pretending I was someone I wasn't ..."

"And I'm very proud of you ..."

Suddenly Andy's thoughts went to the Landry bust and how she had fought with Luke because he didn't think she could pull it off.

"You are?" she whispered almost afraid to believe him.

"Of course, I am! How could I _not_ be?! You did the job and you came home safe ..."

"You're leavin' out the part where I basically called and said _Come get me, please_?"

"You asked for backup, like the smart copper you are. It doesn't matter that _I'm_ the one you called for it."

There was something about the way she laughed that made Sam ask, "What was that laugh about?"

"I'm pretty sure that even though he gave me the spot on the task force, GQ didn't really think I could do it ..."

"Yeah, well, we _all_ know he doesn't know you that well ..."

Andy couldn't help it, she laughed. Sam smiled, full dimples.

"How do you _always_ know the right things to say?"

"I'm pretty sure what I said following Jerry's death _wasn't_ the right things to say ..."

Andy gave a sad smile. "Ok, maybe not personally, but you've _always_ had faith in me as a cop ... even when I didn't."

Sam smiled thinking of the pep talk he gave her outside the Mermaid Lounge.

"At first I thought why not? He wants to get married the way we got engaged ... then I got stuck babysitting with Jo and she couldn't _wait_ to tell me she screwed my fiancé ..."

Sam cringed at the disgust in her voice. He _still_ couldn't understand how GQ could do that to her.

"They were together for a couple of years. It was serious enough he bought the ring, but he never got a chance to pop the question before she told him she was choosing her career over their relationship.

When she asked him to say something he laughed and pulled the ring out and asked what she wanted him to say, since she had already answered the question.

Instead of marryin' her, he married his job ... and hooked up with a different rookie every year.

Then a beautiful doe-eyed brunette came along and everybody thought he _finally_ got his head out his ass ... then he proved he's still the ass we know him to be when he cheated."

"You're not gonna wanna hear this ..."

"Hear what?"

"You remember that day I forgot to load my gun and I had to talk until you got there?"

"Yeah." Sam would never forget walking into that house and hearing her tell that kid about how her mother had left her in the middle of the night only to have another family.

"I forgot to load my gun because GQ came into the cage and chewed my ass out ..."

"Why?"

"Because I wasn't there when he woke up."

The hand that had been running up and down her back stilled. "Please tell me you're _not_ gonna give me details of your sex life with GQ?"

Andy couldn't help it, she laughed. "No."

"Good. What happened?"

"I don't do well with strange beds ..."

Sam couldn't help but be shocked by that admission. "You never had a problem with mine."

"Yeah, well, I'm pretty sure that's because you're you."

Sam looked at her, not sure what that meant.

"It was the first time we ..."

"McNally ..."

"... stayed at his place. I _tried_ to stay but I just ... I couldn't ... so I left. He didn't even know I was gone until morning when he woke up alone."

Sam shook his head. Awake _or_ asleep he _knew_ when she was near. Even in a crowd, he didn't have to _see_ her to know if she was or wasn't there.

"We were all in the cage, getting ready. I had my gun in hand, was about to put the clip in when he walked in.

The conversation was awkward enough without me holding my gun so I holstered it, the clip on the table next to the discharge cylinder.

You came and asked if I was joining Parade and I forgot all about what I was doing before Luke showed up and just left the cage, the clip forgotten on the table."

"Always knew he had great timing. He didn't question the clip layin' there?"

"Nope."

Sam rolled his eyes. "Damn. There are some cops who _shouldn't_ be responsible for training, hearin' that, he's definitely one of 'em and I'm glad he's _not_!"

"Why? He could train us how to do the job _and_ be emotionally removed ..."

"You mean be a cold-hearted bastard?"

Andy couldn't help but laugh. Luke had a reputation for getting lost in the details and having a lack of compassion or empathy.

"Let's get back to this problem you have with beds ... How did you sleep during the op? _Where_ did you sleep? Do we have to get a new one?"

Andy sighed. She'd hoped he'd forget she said anything so they wouldn't have to talk about it.

"I've never _done_ a 6 month UC before, I don't know how I was _supposed_ to sleep, not that I was gettin' much before I left ... as for the _where_, we had one bed so we traded off, one night I got the bed, next Nick got it. Do _you_ have to get a new bed? No, why would you?"

"Because if you have a problem with _our_ bed ..."

"Our?"

"You share it, don't you? That makes it _our_ ..."

Andy took a deep breath.

Sam kissed her cheek.

"Talk to me. _Why_ d'you have a problem with beds?"

"It's easier to leave than be left ..."

Sam couldn't help it when he held her tighter, it was a gut level instinct to want to protect her. "You said I was me, what did that mean?"

"Because from the moment we met, you changed my life. You remember our last shift before you disappeared for the Brennan op? How we talked about the fact that I planned _everything_?"

Sam wasn't sure he was gonna like where this was going but knew it needed to be said so he nodded.

"I was _twelve_, what twelve year old plans on their mother bailing on them? After that ... I did, I planned _everything_. Well, almost everything. I _didn't_ plan Dad swimmin' his way to the bottom of a bottle every day or the 'safe' choice bein' the guy who would cheat ..."

"Safe choice?"


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Pretty sure this is another chapter that may need a **TISSUE ALERT** ...**

**To the "Guest" that keeps reviewing & ripping my writing to shreds: Nobody FORCES you to read my stories ... Don't like what I write or the WAY I write? Here's a newsflash: I don't write for you, so your opinion? Doesn't mean much. Oh, & I'm sorry you live such a miserable existence!**

**To those who come along for the ride & ENJOY what the voices in my head have to say: Thank you is inadequate but it's all I have, so THANK YOU!**

**A shout out to my fellow writers who inspire me to be better: Thank you for your support, your friendships.**

**They say to save the best for last, so that's why Erica McSwarek is my final mention of this note: I could put a note on everything I write thanking her for being the other ½ of my brain, because w/out her friendship & encouragement, I'm not sure you'd see what happens when these voices use my brain as their playground!**

* * *

Andy laughed softly thinking back. "The day of the Beljack sting? Remember you punished me for being late to the briefing by partnering me with the Ice Queen? I was late because I was _supposed_ to have lunch with my dad, I called him _so_ many times, but he wouldn't answer. I looked so awful because I ended up breaking the window to get in because he was passed out on the floor. He wasn't happy to see me or his window broken when I finally got him to wake up.

He told me he was helping with Fite Nite and promised he'd behave ... he didn't. He showed just how badly free booze and a drunk _don't_ mix when he got into it with somebody. I was _so_ embarrassed because _everybody_ saw.

Right before that GQ was flirting with me, wanting to buy me a drink, when I pointed out they were free he asked about one at the Penny since it was staying open late.

After the fights were over, Traci called me out for always picking the 'wrong' guys. Til then I wasn't sure I was gonna go. She said that and I found myself at the Penny havin' a drink ..."

As much as he hated the question, Sam asked it anyway. "What made him the safe choice?"

"He's a suit. He sits behind a desk, he doesn't vanish in the middle of the night for God knows how long on an undercover assignment ..."

"You hooked up with GQ because you were afraid I'd _leave_?!"

"Which you _did_ ..."

"Because I didn't think I had a shot with you ..."

Andy looked at Sam, shocked. "_Why_?"

"Because I didn't have the storybook childhood, either ..."

"You can't _honestly_ think that matters to me?" her voice was barely a whisper.

"We keep it real, right?"

Andy nodded.

" Maplehurst was part of my cover story for Brennan, I _didn't_ meet my old man when I was six, I've had the misfortune of knowin' him all my life ... I was six the first time he locked me in the tool shed ..."

"He locked you in a tool shed?"

"Yeah, I broke his hockey stick so I spent the night in the tool shed. When I was ten, I spent a week in it after I forgot to mow the lawn."

Andy's heart broke for the child Sam had been.

"By the time I was sixteen, I was screwin' up just so I wouldn't have to sleep under the same roof as that guy."

Andy couldn't help but think about the trip home from Sudbury, after they'd got the dirtbag Swan back into custody. She was on the hood of the cruiser while Sam bandaged her left leg up. She told him how Tommy took her camping, he surprised her by telling her about his sister's attack. If their dad could treat Sam so badly how did he treat ...

"Sarah?"

Andy didn't even realize she'd asked until Sam said, "The old man blamed her. Like I didn't have reason to hate him enough, the way he treated me. She didn't deserve that ..."

Andy shocked him when she said, "Yours was so awful yet you protected me and mine ..."

"That's because Tommy's a good guy. Bein' a drunk doesn't change how much he loves you ... the same can't be said about our old man."

Andy gave him a sad smile. "Remember that case that brought Claire crashing back into my life?"

Sam growled at the mention of Claire McNally but nodded, Andy couldn't help the small giggle at his reaction.

"She wasn't too pleased when I said it was hard to believe some kids _were_ better off without their parents."

Sam was shocked. "You didn't?"

"Hey! I was shocked, I was mad."

"And you had every right to be." He laughed softly. "Hell, ya only stated the truth."

He felt a sudden change in her body and knew something else was coming.

"What?"

"She's the reason I talked to your buddy about the task force ..."

Sam looked at her. "How's that?"

"She gave me a verbal kick in the ass."

Sam growled. "What did she say?"

"She told me to get over it. To go after the spot on the task force. That I needed a change of scene."

"She told you to run ..."

"It's what she does. I guess it's what I do ..."

"What? Like mother, like daughter? No. You are _not_ Claire."

"Just like _you're_ not your dad."

"Yeah, well, we have Charlie to thank for that ..."

"Charlie?"

"Charlie Fitzgerald. Met him when I was a young screw up."

Andy giggled at Sam's self-description.

"Charlie, he was the one that taught me a man could be kind, fair ... good."

Andy smiled softly thinking about the man who was such an influence on Sam.

"He later became my T.O."

"So Charlie was a hard ass, too?"

Sam opened his mouth and closed it again, biting the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing, he said, "You'll pay for that."

Andy grinned. "No doubt."

"Smart ass."

"I've said it before, I learned from the best."

Sam couldn't hold back the laugh.

He could tell there was something she wanted to ask. "What?"

"Just thinkin' about Sudbury ..."

"_Why_ are you thinkin' about Swan?"

Andy gave him a gentle shove. "Not Swan, smart ass ..."

Sam flashed his dimples. "What about it?"

"You were so young ..."

"Yeah, at the time I didn't understand what happened, I just knew she stopped smiling and was afraid of everything ... and that the old man kept sayin' it was her fault. When I got old enough to understand I blamed _myself_ because I wasn't able to protect her. After Charlie came into my life and I got my act together, like you said, I became a cop to protect girls like her."

Andy couldn't help the tears.

Sam hated the tears in her eyes. He was rubbing his hand up and down her back again. She laughed softly when he said, "Is there anything we _didn't_ talk about tonight?"

"Probably."

"Yeah, well, what d'ya say we leave it for another day and go to bed?"

Andy got up and held out her hand.

As emotional as the topics they talked about were, Sam wasn't surprised to find himself awake in the middle of the night. When Andy would have crawled out of bed, he wrapped his arms around her. Andy curled into him and cried herself back to sleep.

When Andy wouldn't look at him the next morning Sam called Frank and told him that Andy would be missing Parade.

Andy gasped. "Sam!"

Sam disconnected the call and put both arms on the counter effectively caging her in. "Not until you talk to me."

Of the things she _could_ have said, the last thing Sam expected was, "A little boy with chocolate eyes and dimples haunted my dreams when his dad locked him in a tool shed."

Sam wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against him. He leaned his forehead against hers. "That little boy grew up to love tool sheds."

Andy looked at him. "Why?"

"Because what he meant as a punishment became an escape."

Andy wrapped her arms around his waist and put her head on his chest as she said, "So if you ever disappear I should look in a tool shed before I go to Frank?"

Sam laughed softly. "Somethin' like that. C'mon let's get to the Barn."

Andy missing Parade got her assigned to the desk but when a skeleton was found in a ravine that the lab dated back to Sam's rookie days, Andy got pulled from desk duty.

When Sam decided to pay his T.O a visit Andy got to go along.

"You wanted to meet my T.O, McNally, here's your chance."

When Charlie Fitzgerald answered his door in his boxers and robe the last thing Andy expected to hear was, "Samantha Swarek!"

She couldn't help but laugh. Sam looked at her then at his T.O and said to no one in particular, "You'll pay for that."

Andy smiled while Charlie laughed. "Who's the pretty girl, Kid?"

Sam laughed. "Lemme in and _maybe_ I'll introduce you ..."

Charlie laughed and held open the door. Sam smiled as Charlie kissed Andy on the cheek as she stepped passed him. Andy laughed in shock.

"McNally, meet Det. Charlie Fitzgerald, 25 Division. Coach, this is _Officer_ Andy McNally."

Andy smiled. "Nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you." He turned to Sam. "Gimme a hug, Kid. How ya been?"

Sam hugged the man who made such an impression on his life.

"What brings ya here, Kid?"

"I'm here to collect fifty bucks." He said sitting down on the opposite side of the counter. When Andy stood next to him, Sam didn't even think of how he'd introduced her or that she was in uniform, and put his hand at her waist.

Charlie poured them coffee as Sam brought him up to speed on the unexpected visited.

"Hate to interrupt your lobster dinner but, technically you're the detective of record so you might wanna put on some pants."

Andy tried to hide her smile.

While Sam and Andy were doing footwork Traci was working the case from the Barn. Traci and Andy laughed at the way they teased each other about penmanship and spelling. When Charlie offered to notify the parents Sam went instead. Andy offered to stay behind to go over the files with a fresh pair of eyes. Sam didn't even stop to think, he just kissed Andy's forehead before heading for the door.

Traci couldn't help the gasp finally _seeing_ a McSwarek PDA while Charlie smiled.

After Sam left Charlie leaned against the desk. "I've known him since he was a teenager."

Andy smiled. "I know."

"Did he tell you I caught him selling stolen car parts?"

Andy shook her head.

"Brought him in, for every question I asked he had three. Figured he'd make a great cop so I made him a deal - I'd sweep the charges under the rug if he went back to school ... next thing I hear he's in the Academy."

Traci was shocked. "Huh. Ya think ya know a man."

Andy thought it odd when Charlie replied, "You kiddin'? Ya _never_ know a man."

While Andy watched in the Observation Room, Sam and Charlie interviewed the suspect they'd brought in all those years before and he dropped the bomb that Robbie Robbins had been the victim of child abuse.

"Why'd we think the kid was in Dallas?"

Andy passed Sam a coffee.

Sam smiled at Andy. "Thanks." He leaned against the counter and looked at Charlie. "Credit card was traced down there."

Gail called from the morgue and told Traci that Robbins had been hit by a car. That didn't sit well with Sam since the skeleton was found in a ravine.

When it became obvious there was a cover up, Sam was even more convinced that his instincts had been right all those years ago - it was a homicide.

"I think I'm gonna pay Robbie's dad another visit," Sam looked at Andy, "you wanna keep me company?"

"Absolutely."

Andy was stunned when Mr. Robbins dropped the bomb that he had made a deal with the detective that there would be no child abuse charges if he stopped looking for his son.

That meant that Charlie ...

Back at the Barn, Traci informed them that the Dallas PD never heard of Robbie Robbins. Sam asked about the letter, Traci handed him the copy she made him.

Sam stared in disbelief at the letter ... his words to Charlie came to mind _I before E, except after C_ ... **received** was spelled wrong. Andy knew something was wrong. "What?"

He handed her the letter, she caught the mistake right away.

Sam tried to get Andy to let him talk to Charlie alone, she wouldn't.

Traci called Sam with the confirmation Dallas had never heard of Robbie Robbins and that Robbie had been alive when he got tossed in the ravine.

When Sam put his gun in the glove compartment Andy freaked out.

"What're you doin'? You can't go in there ..."

Sam turned toward her. "Yeah, I can. No gun is a show of trust, right? You're not in uniform, you don't have to get outta this car ..."

"You're right, I'm just here as your girlfriend ..."

Sam opened his door. "Then let's go ..."

Sam had his hand on her back when Charlie opened the door.

"You go anywhere without that girl, Kid?" Charlie asked as they walked into the kitchen.

Sam just looked at him.

"Aww, come on, Kid. You walked through that door a couple of days ago and introduced me to a uniform, but had your arm around her in this kitchen barely a minute later. Hell, ya _kissed_ her in a _Barn_, don't tell me you go around kissin' _all_ the girls ..."

Sam smiled and wrapped an arm around her. "No, just this one."

There was something in the way Sam stood, Charlie knew something was bothering him. He leaned against the counter. "What's the matter, Sam?"

"The letter from Dallas was fake. Dallas never heard of him."

Andy listened as Sam went back over the day of the disappearance. How Charlie got defensive.

With his hand on Andy's back Sam turned to leave. "Ok, I'll turn in the file, let the evidence speak for itself." He looked at her, "C'mon, let's go."

Charlie called them back.

Andy watched in shock as Charlie laid his gun on the counter. Sam listened as Charlie told them what happened that night. When Sam grabbed Charlie in a hug and promised to walk away so no one would know Andy's heart broke.

Back at the station Sam packed the case up and told Traci how they were wrapping it up. When she asked if Sam was ok with it and he said no Andy slipped out of the office.

Charlie was surprised to open his door to find Andy standing there, alone. She delivered her message through the screen door.

"In case you forgot, lemme remind you ... he's _not_ just some rookie you trained 10 years ago, he's been part of your life for the better part of 20 while _you_ were the only positive male role model he had. You do _not_ put this on him, he doesn't deserve to pay for _your_ mistake ..."

She left without another word.

Sam was looking for Andy when he saw Charlie.

"What're you, uh, doin' here?"

"I owe you this," he handed Sam a $50.

Andy smiled in relief when she walked into the Bullpen and saw Charlie with Sam. Looking around, she was grateful the Bullpen was empty, the fewer that knew what happened ...

She knew when Sam knew she was there because he held out his hand. Andy took his hand and let him pull her to him.

Charlie smiled as Sam wrapped his arm around Andy. "Ya got yourself one helluva girl, Kid ..."

Sam kissed Andy's temple. "Believe me, Coach, I know."

Traci came down the steps as Charlie said, "But right now I need to talk to your friend, Det. Nash."

Traci smiled softly. "Right this way."

Charlie held his hand out to Andy. "Thank you."

Andy smiled with tears in her eyes. "No, thank _you_."

Sam looked between them.

Charlie pulled her into a hug. "Take care of the kid for me."

Andy returned the hug. "I will."

"C'mere Kid."

Sam hugged him before Charlie walked away with Traci.

Andy wrapped her arm around Sam's waist as they watched Charlie walk away. Putting her head on his shoulder as Sam put his arm around her shoulder and kissed her temple. "What was that about?"

Andy just leaned up and kissed his cheek. "What d'ya say we go home?"

Sam smiled. "Ready when you are."


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: OMG! Y'all blow me away! The response to the note on Ch. 6 was ... WOW! Your support ... there are no words!**

**To those asking me to keep writing: It'd probably be easier not to breathe, than to stop writing, so the guest from hell ISN'T gonna stop me ... as long as the voices use my brain as their personal playground & the other ½ of my brain says it's good enough, you'll see it ... oh, & thank you! :-)**

**Thanks for comin' along for the ride ... hope it's still 1 you're glad you came on, I know I'm glad you're here!**

* * *

"Y'know I never _did_ ask Charlie if you were the _perfect_ rookie," Andy said as they crawled in bed.

"For that you have my undying love," Sam said with a chuckle as he wrapped his arms around her.

Andy leaned back to look at him. "You mean I didn't before?"

Sam laughed as he leaned to kiss her. "You know you did."

Andy raised her eyebrows. "Did?"

Sam pulled her back into his arms. "Always have, always will," he whispered against her lips. "I always loved his stories," he said as he cradled her against him. "But the ones he'd tell you, would be my most embarrassing moments."

"Those are the ones I wanna hear," she said with a laugh.

Sam rolled his eyes.

"Hey! You've _been_ _there_ for _my_ most embarrassing moments, it's only fair ... unless you're keeping them as teaching moments for when our kids take after _you_ ..."

Sam laughed and said, "It's a good thing you're cute," before he kissed her.

"You've said that before," she mumbled against his lips.

They settled into bed, her head on his chest, his arms around her.

He thought she'd fallen asleep when he heard her soft, "Would you _really_ have walked away, knowing Charlie ..."

"We'll never know will we? What was that at the Barn?"

When Andy didn't say anything, Sam looked down at her and asked, "Babe, _what_ did you do?"

Andy gave a hurt look."Who says I did anything?"

"You disappeared."

Andy knew she couldn't deny it. "There was somethin' I had t'do."

"And that _somethin'_ was? Come on, Babe, talk to me ... where'd you go? What'd you do?"

Andy wasn't going to lie about it. "I paid Charlie a visit."

Sam was shocked.

"And I _reminded_ him who you were ..."

"And there it is, that lion's heart of yours. I don't know what you said, I don't _care_ what you said, the man that walked into that station tonight, _that_ is the man ..."

Andy leaned up and kissed him. "I know. And _that's_ why I did it ... What's gonna happen?"

"I dunno. What I _do_ know is that I'll be there for him the way he was there for me ..."

Andy smiled. "I know. You told me a long time ago, you're there when it matters, and right now, it matters to Charlie ... and it matters to you."

"Yeah, it does," he said softly.

They were sitting at the island in Sam's kitchen the next morning having coffee when Andy said, "Do me a favor?"

"Anything, you know that."

"Promise me you _won't_ teach our kids how to fence stolen car parts."

Sam almost choked on his coffee. "Son of a ..."

Andy laughed softly.

"Charlie and his damn stories! I _knew_ I shouldn't've left you alone with him."

Andy slid off the stool and stood next to him wrapping her arms around him. Sam wrapped his around her waist.

"Technically I wasn't alone, Traci was there ..."

Sam groaned and pinched his eyes closed.

Andy laughed softly.

They finished their coffees and headed for the Barn.

End of shift everybody tried to get Andy to agree to drinks at the Penny but she begged off. It even took a lot of coaxing for Sam to get her to agree to go.

Traci had just got done telling everybody about the McSwarek PDA at the Barn when Sam and Andy walked in.

"Swarek doesn't _do_ PDAs, Traci," Dov commented.

"Maybe not with _you_, manboy, but he definitely does with _her_," Gail said pointing to Sam and Andy.

Sam's hand was on the small of Andy's back as they walked through the Penny's door. Leaning close to her ear so she could hear, he said, "Go join the rookies." Andy looked up at him. "I'll be there after I set up our tab."

Andy couldn't help the smile which made Sam smile, full dimples.

Andy saw Oliver sitting at the bar. "Bring Oliver with ya when you find your way to the table."

"Cute brunette, shouldn't take me long."

"If _that_ was true it wouldn't've taken you 4 years ..." Andy grumbled.

Sam wrapped both arms around her.

"You sure you wanna do that?" she teased wrapping her arms around his waist. "I mean this _isn't_ your house, my apartment - not that we spend much time there anyway - or the Barn when nobody's payin' attention ..."

Sam laughed and showed her just _how_ sure he was by kissing her.

Andy was smiling as she walked to the table.

At the bar, Sam wrapped an arm around Oliver's shoulders. "Hey brother."

"Hey Sammy," Oliver smiled. "How's our girl?"

"Ask her yourself when you join us."

"Us?"

Sam just smiled, he was still smiling when Liam came over.

"Sammy, I'm gonna take a guess and say Andy's on your tab tonight?" Liam asked with a smile.

"Tonight and every night, man," Sam said with a smile as Liam set their drinks on the bar.

"Thanks man," he told Liam as he grabbed the drinks and kicked Oliver's stool. When Oliver looked at him all Sam said was, "Let's go."

Andy was almost afraid to go over without Sam after what just happened. She sat on the empty stool and waited for the interrogation to begin.

Everybody stared when Sam walked up behind her and set Andy's beer in front of her. She leaned back against him and he wrapped his arms around her.

Oliver smacked Sam in the shoulder, he dropped his arm and Oliver smiled as he kissed her temple.

Andy laughed. "Hi Oliver."

"Hi McNally."

"What _is_ it with guys kissin' you lately, McNally?" Sam teased as his arm found its way back around her. "First Charlie, now Shaw?"

"Better question, Swarek, is, is she kissin' them _back_?" Gail asked with a smirk.

"Well, we know she kisses Swarek back," Dov said in a loud whisper and got a smack in the head for it.

"Ow!" He rubbed the back of his head. "Oh come on! We _all_ saw it."

"Epstein, there's a reason you're single," Nick laughed.

"What's _your_ excuse?" Gail asked looking at Nick.

"Be nice, little sister," Steve said walking up to the table.

Gail rolled her eyes but made room for him.

"I've spent 2 days in the morgue, I don't _have_ to be nice."

"We wouldn't know her if she was," Traci laughed.

"Bitch," Gail said with a laugh.

"Are you guys _always_ like this?" Chloe asked.

Dov looked around and nodded. "Pretty much."

"The only thing missin' is Chris," Andy offered.

"Somebody mention me," Chris said walking up.

All the rookies jumped up and ran to Chris.

"What are you doin' here? Timmins not exciting enough for you?" Dov teased.

"Chris? What's wrong?" Gail knew the second she saw him something was off.

Chris ignored Gail's question as he hugged and shook hands with everybody.

"Where's Denise? Christian?"

Chris didn't answer as another spot was made at the table for him and a glass appeared in front of him.

"Chris!" Chris looked at Gail. 'Where's Denise?"

"Timmins."

"What happened?"

When Chris didn't answer Dov, Gail repeated the question.

"Not tonight, Gail."

Traci looked at Chris and said, "Spill it choirboy ... _now_!"

Chris stared at his glass as he said, "She lied."

Everybody was confused. "About?"

"Christian."

Chris' voice was barely audible with the noise but it was heard, his words shocking everyone.

"_I knew it_!" Dov said softly and got another smack in the head. "Hey!" he said rubbing his head.

"Epstein, now is _not_ the time," Oliver said.

"Diaz! Back to visit so soon?"

Chris took a deep breath. "No, Sir."

Frank looked at his former rookie. "You alright, Diaz?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Pull up a seat, brother," Sam said. Frank and Noelle pulled up two more stools. "We're all here, Diaz, might as well fill everybody in at once. Get it over with."

"Christian got hurt at daycare. When I got to the hospital Denise was arguing with some guy. I got there in time to hear him call Christian _his_ son and for Denise to tell him to keep his voice down. When I confronted her about it, she admitted he _isn't_ mine so I packed my bags and left."

Nobody knew what to say. His friends were stunned.

"And you just ended up in a Toronto bar?" Chloe asked making everyone laugh.

"It's called coming home," Gail said linking her arm through Chris'.

"Speaking of home, _where_ are you gonna stay?" Noelle couldn't help but ask.

Chris shrugged. "At a hotel for the night. I'll look for a place tomorrow."

Sam whispered something in Andy's ear. She turned to look at him. He smiled at her unspoken question. She smiled and turned back around.

"I got a better idea. _We_ have a better idea ... why don't you stay at my place?"

"Andy, no, I ..."

"She'll be at Swarek's, Chris," Gail said to make it easier for Chris to say yes.

Chris looked at Gail then at Sam and Andy. "Andy, are you sure? I don't wanna chase you outta your own home."

Sam smiled as he answered. "You're not."

Chris looked at Andy for confirmation. She nodded.

"Ok. That would be awesome, thank you."

Sam fished her keys out. Andy handed them to Chris.

Without knowing Oliver's situation Chloe said, "Who says you can't go home?"

Everybody looked at Oliver as he got to his feet. He clapped Sam on the back and kissed the top of Andy's head as he said, "See you guys tomorrow."

Noelle looked at Frank. "We should probably go too before the babysitter ..."

Frank was already on his feet. "Diaz, I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yes, Sir."

Sam thought Andy would want to stay and visit with Chris, she surprised him when she leaned back and asked if he was ready to go.

"We can stay if you wanna catch up with Diaz," he whispered.

"No. We'll catch up later."

Sam kissed her cheek. "Then let's go home."

Andy slid off her stool and went to hug Chris before saying goodnight while Sam went to pay their tab.

Sam knew something was bothering her but waited until they were in the truck on the way home to ask.

"I'm fine."

Sam looked over at her as he reached across the console for her hand. "Yeah, ok, now tell me what's goin' on."

Andy couldn't help the smile. "Just a long day ... then Chris ... yeah, I feel bad for Chris, but ..."

"But you're thinkin' about Christian." It was a statement, not a question.

"Yeah. I don't know if she's lied to him all his life telling him Chris was his Daddy but she's lied to _both_ of them for almost a year. He's just a little boy, he may not remember once he's older but right now, he just knows his Daddy left him ..."

"Makes you wonder how long she thought she'd get away with it."

"That's a scary thought."

Chloe looked around at the now half empty table and asked no one in particular, "Was it something I said?"

"You can't _really_ be _that_ clueless?" Gail commented.

"Excuse me?"

"Be nice," Steve whispered.

Gail looked at her brother. "Seriously? Oliver was still wearing his ring when Little Miss Weirdo showed up. He quits wearing it and she doesn't even bother to notice?!"

"It's none of my ..." Chloe defended weakly.

"Yeah, like my relationship with Nick was none of your business?"

"Ok, wait, what?" Chris looked between Gail and Nick who shook his head. "I'm gone for a couple of months ..."

"Lemme bring you up to speed, my brother," Dov said putting an arm around Chris' neck. "Swarek and Andy are back together ... it was just a matter of time. Gail and Nick aren't ... don't ask me why, I don't understand it either. Oliver going back to Zoe lasted like a nanosecond before he moved out and she moved the boyfriend in, now they're gettin' a divorce."

"Oliver?"

"I know right?"

Chris looked at Gail then at Nick. "What happened?"

"Not important," was Gail's answer while Nick gave him the same answer he'd given Andy when she asked, "Don't wanna talk about it."

Chris looked at Dov.

"Sorry, don't know the details."

Chris looked at Steve. "Since when d'you hang out at the Penny?"

"Since he's tryin' to get Traci to go out with him," Gail said with a smirk when Traci looked at her.

"Gail, you and I are gonna talk ..." Traci said half under her breath.

"About what you should wear on your date?" Gail teased.

"Please tell me you _don't_ take wardrobe advice from my sister?" Steve said looking at Gail.

Gail laughed softly and bumping Steve's shoulder softly said, "Remind me why I love you?"

Steve just hugged her and laughed.

Chris got up. "Listen guys, I been on the road for over eight hours, I'm outta here ... I'll see ya tomorrow."

His friends bid him goodnight and he left.

"I _told_ him to get a test! Denise just showin' up like that? Didn't feel right."

"Dov, it's Chris ..." Gail stated, rolling her eyes.

"Exactly."

"So what? He gets the test and becomes a cynic like Gail?" Traci asked before looking at Gail as she smiled gently and softly said, "Sorry."

Gail just smiled back.

"You realize you're stuck with me?" Andy asked as they walked into the kitchen

"Been stuck with you for the better part of 4 years, McNally, nothin' new about that."

Andy rolled her eyes. "You coulda got rid of me if you wanted to," she laughed.

"Why? We make a good team, you and me."

Andy smiled as she wrapped her arms around him, thinking back to the first time he said that to her. She was undercover as a waitress, working a drug bust, Sam being Sam, he wasn't very far away. She managed to sneak out with the manager's phone that had a picture of her boyfriend on it. Sam took a picture of it and before she went back inside he smiled and said they made a good team. He was in the truck listening in on her wire. She started out talking about her relationship with Luke but ended up talking about her and Sam.

"Yeah, we did ... then you went and changed partners."

"Can't hold your hand _all_ the time, McNally," he teased. "But I better not hear you're holdin' hands with any of your other partners ..."

"Kiss off," she laughed pushing away from him.

Sam grabbed her hand and pulled her back to him, wrapping an arm around her waist. "I'd rather kiss _you_!" he said before he kissed her.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: For some this chapter is a peak, others a valley on the roller coaster, but as Swarek said, "That's what makes it fun!" ... Hope you're still enjoyin' the ride!**

**This may be another chapter where some will need a *TISSUE ALERT* so there ya go ...**

* * *

Chris had been back almost a week. The ink wasn't even dry on his transfer papers before Frank had his name back on the assignment board.

There's a difference in _practically_ living together and _actually_ living together and Chris' staying at Andy's made Sam realize he was done with the practically, he wanted the actually.

Traci knew something was going on with Sam, she just didn't know what but his mind definitely wasn't on the evidence in front of them.

"Ok, Sam, d'you want me to work this case by myself or are you gonna talk to me?"

Sam looked up at not just his partner, but Andy's best friend.

"Sorry, Nash."

"Everything ok with you and Andy?"

Sam couldn't help the smile. "You could say that."

Traci laughed. "Spill it, lover boy."

"We been takin' things slow, neither of us wants to make the same mistakes the second time around, but ... Chris stayin' at her place this week made me realize somethin',"

"What's that?"

"Havin' her there, every day ... it's not somethin' I want 5 years from now ..." too late he felt her presence before she ran down the stairs and toward the locker rooms. Sam was right behind her. It was mid-shift so he wasn't worried about walking in on anyone. She was straddling the bench in front of her locker, he sat facing her.

"Why didn't you say anything?" she asked, her voice full of tears.

"You gonna let me finish what I was sayin'?"

Andy couldn't look at him.

He cupped her face and raised it so she was looking at him. "If you'd stayed you woulda heard me tell Nash it's what I want _now_,"

"Sam, you don't have to ..."

"You _know_ I don't just say things, Andy, I'm sayin' it because it's what I want ... you, me, together. No deciding if we're goin' to your place or my place. I want us to go _home_. _One_ set of keys. Today, tomorrow, 5 years from now, 10 years ..."

Andy blinked and the tears in her eyes ran down her cheeks. Sam wiped them away.

"What happened to 40?" she whispered.

"What was that, McNally?" he teased.

"You mentioned somethin' about 40 years one morning before you ran out to meet Jerry ... I'm just curious if we're only gonna _live_ together for 10 years ..." she said tongue in cheek.

"You haven't even said you'll live with me _today_ and you're worried about 40 _years_ from now?"

"Gotta make a plan in case I gotta find a new bed ..."

Sam laughed as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into a kiss.

"The only time you gotta look for a new bed is when we wear out the one we got and since we just got it ..." he whispered, his forehead resting against hers.

"I'm safe for 10 years?" she teased.

"Does that mean ..."

"Yes," Andy whispered as she kissed him.

Traci knocked on the door. "You guys ok?" she asked sticking her head in.

"Yeah, Nash, we're good. Oliver lookin' for her?"

"Sorry, yeah."

"We'll be right out."

"Ok."

Sam stood up and held out his hand. "C'mon, we'll finish this at home."

Andy smiled as she swung her leg over and let him pull her to her feet.

Sam wrapped his arms around her. "I love you."

Andy wrapped her arms around him and whispered, "I love you."

Sam's hand was on her back when they left the locker room. Neither thought anything about the tear stains on her cheeks as they joined Oliver.

Sam kissed her temple. "Be careful."

They were barely back on patrol when Oliver asked, "Alright McNally, _what_ did Sammy say to you?"

Andy looked at him.

"He may be my brother, but I am _not_ against kickin' his ass if he upset my rookie."

Andy couldn't help it, she laughed. "Who said he upset me?"

Oliver looked over at her. "There's tear stains on your cheeks, McNally ..."

Andy unconsciously wiped away a non-existent tear.

"What'd he do, McNally?"

"He asked me to move in with him," she said softly.

Oliver was stunned. In all the years he'd known him, Sam had _never_ lived with a girlfriend. Just another example of how Sam had changed since Andy came into his life.

"What'd ya say?" Oliver asked gently.

Andy looked at him and smiled. "I know we've been through, put each other through hell this last year, but ..."

"But you're better together than you are apart, Andy."

Andy smiled. "Thanks Oliver."

"Does that mean I get to help my brother move your stuff?"

"Subtle, Oliver."

"Warning McNally, you say _no_ you're buyin' my lunch."

Andy laughed. "And today is different than any other day, how?"

Oliver gave her a hurt look.

Andy's eyes danced with laughter as she grinned. "Sorry."

Oliver laughed. "No, you're not."

Andy laughed.

They were stopped for a coffee. Oliver pulled out his phone. "Don't make me call Sammy, McNally ..."

Andy laughed as she opened her coffee. "Need me to hit _send_ for you?" she teased.

"Just for that, you're buyin' ..."

Andy rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah."

Oliver sobered. "Did you _give_ him an answer?"

Andy smiled softly. "Yeah."

"Am I gonna like your answer, McNally?"

Andy was saved from answering when the radio came to life. The rest of their day was so busy Oliver didn't get an answer to his question.

As they walked into the Barn, Oliver stopped short when Andy said, " Sam did," before heading for his office leaving Oliver staring after her.

Andy leaned against the doorframe and watched as Sam and Traci worked together.

"Gonna stand there all night, McNally?" Sam asked without looking at the door.

Andy smiled as she pushed off the doorframe. "Just came to tell you we're back. Just gotta change and I'm ready whenever you are."

Sam smiled. "Ok. I'll be there in a few minutes."

"See ya tomorrow, Trac."

"Not comin' to the Penny?" Traci asked a little surprised.

"Not tonight, Trac, I just wanna go home."

Sam hadn't said anything about what happened in the locker room so Traci figured their conversation wasn't over. She wasn't 100% sure what Andy meant when she said _home_.

Andy didn't expect Sam to be waiting when she stepped out of the locker room, but he was there pushing off the wall and reaching for her hand the moment he saw her.

They were on the couch eating the Chinese Sam ordered before they left the Barn.

"The day of the Landry bust?" she asked between bites.

"Yeah?"

Andy stopped eating and put her food on the coffee table, Sam did the same.

"He was house hunting. We were at a house that overlooked one of the ravines.

He said he put an offer in on it, but I don't know if he did or not because it wasn't the one he bought, that he put in both our names ... even though it was _his_ house ..."

Sam listened to her talk about that house. The way she described it as _Luke's_ house, her tone of voice ...

"It wasn't ... it wasn't the house where he was shot ..."

Sam would never forget walking into that house and seeing Andy kneeling beside Callaghan.

"I was standing at the window looking out at the ravine when he put an arm around my neck and told me about putting in the offer.

Next thing I knew he was askin' me to move in.

I was caught completely off guard.

Things were gettin' better, but the blackout was still ... and yeah, GQ said the words, but he coulda said them to a stranger ...

I had barely said yes before you and I were gettin' ready to pose as Gabe and Edie. I had just got changed when someone said Luke wanted to see me.

He handed me a file from Jerry and as I was goin' through it said he knew I had only volunteered because I thought it would score points because I'd screwed up _again_ but that I didn't _have_ to do it.

When I called him on not thinking I could do my job he said he was worried about me ...

I left his office saying maybe I _shouldn't've_ said yes to moving in. It hurt to think _he_ didn't think I was good enough at what I do, to do the job. It's one thing to hear it from somebody like Boyd, but to hear it from the guy I was dating ...

You remember on our way to the Mermaid, you said I wasn't a little girl that needed my hand held?"

Sam smiled at the memory and nodded.

"During your little pep talk before we went inside you said he was there for _me_, but I'm not so sure he wasn't there just to make sure nothing happened between you and me. That was how it felt anyway."

Sam turned her so she was looking at him. "Where's all this comin' from?"

Andy took his hands in hers. "When you asked me this morning, I didn't want you to think you _had_ to ask me ..."

"Andy ..."

"I told GQ I'd move in with him because it felt like I had to, like by saying yes he would believe me when I said there was nothing goin' on between you 'n me ... it felt like I was answering an unspoken 'it's him or me' ..."

"Did he ..."

Andy shook her head. "No. I think he knew if I _had_ to make that choice it woulda been _you_ - our partnership ... our friendship, y'know, since you're not friends with girls," she smiled at him, both thinking of what he'd said in Sudbury.

"So why'd you say yes this morning?"

"Because it's not somethin' I _have_ t'do, it's what I _wanna_ do ..."

"You sure?"

Andy smiled. "D'you remember what you said to me this morning?"

Sam looked at her. "Pretty sure I said a lot of things, Babe ... what specifically?"

"You said you didn't want my place or your place, you just wanted _home_ but ever since we got back together, it doesn't matter if we stay here or we've went to the condo, as long as we're together, I've been home. But the idea of us sharing that one set of keys ... it's what I want too."

"C'mere," Sam said as he reached for her.

Andy curled against him as Sam wrapped his arms around her and kissed her temple.

They were quiet for a few minutes before Andy said, "I need to talk to Chris. He can stay until it sells or he finds a place. Most of what I need is already here, so I guess we'll just give the furniture and stuff to Value Village or whoever needs it. Oh, Oliver asked if he was gonna get to help you move my stuff ..."

"He can help us when we move."

Andy looked up, confused.

"We can either put both places on the market at the same time or sell the condo first and sell this place after we find ..."

"Wait, what?"

Sam smiled. "You listen better than that, McNally," he teased. "I asked if you wanted to put both places on the market together or sell the condo first and stay here so we can take our time lookin' at houses."

"Since when are you sellin' your house?"

"Since it's not just mine anymore."

Andy gasped. "Sam ... you don't ..."

Sam smiled. "I know."

"For the record, I'm happy with the keys I have ..."

"I know. But we're not gonna stay here forever, Babe, we might as well go when some of your stuff is already packed."

Andy looked up at him. "You make it sound like I'm bringing a lot of stuff."

Sam laughed. "Sorry, Babe."

Andy rolled her eyes. "No you're not."

They were quiet for a few minutes when Andy laughed softly.

Sam looked at her. "What's so funny?"

Oliver. I swear he's more protective than my dad."

"Why's that?"

"We were barely back out this morning before Oliver wanted to know what you said to upset me. He said brother or not, he'd kick your ass."

Sam grabbed his phone.

"Hey brother!" Oliver answered.

"Awful cheery for a guy that's willing to kick my ass, aren't ya?"

"She told you?"

"Did ya think she wouldn't?" Sam could see Oliver shrug the question off even over the phone.

"What'd she say?"

"She didn't tell you?"

"Would I be askin' if she did, smart ass?"

Sam laughed. "You can help me move her stuff when we move out."

"Back up brother, where are _you_ goin'?"

"Nowhere 'til we find a new place."

"I didn't even know your place was on the market."

"It's not ... yet. Can't ask her to move in but not have a place to move in to so we're stayin' here while we look since we're sellin' her condo first."

"So when's she movin' in?"

"Formally? Whenever she wants."

Andy couldn't help the smile.

When she would have got up Sam tightened his hold making Andy laugh. Kissing him on the cheek she whispered that she was just going to clean things up. Sam spent a few more minutes on the phone with Oliver before going to find her.

Walking up behind her, Sam put his arms around her. "Y'ok?"

Andy smiled as she turned around. "Yep."

Sam looked at her, eyebrows raised. "You say you're totally fine, Babe, I'll _know_ you're lyin'."

Andy laughed as she wrapped her arms around him. "You think you know me so well."

Sam just smiled. "When d'you wanna talk to Diaz?"

"I need to tell him before we talk to a real estate agent. I don't want them just showin' up outta the blue ..."

"It's still early enough, call him if you want. He can come over and you guys can talk ..."

"You don't mind?"

"Course not." He handed her her phone. "Talk to Chris, we'll call a realtor tomorrow."

Andy smiled. "Ok."

An hour later Sam was on the couch his arms around Andy as she finished talking to Chris. Chris loved the condo. If Andy could afford it he could so they agreed he would buy it. There wasn't a lot Andy was taking, just personal stuff - picture frames, stuff like that, and she hadn't been there that long before she went under that there was a lot of that anyway.  
The furniture wasn't that "girly" so Chris would keep it as it was.

Chris shook hands with Sam and hugged Andy at the door. "Thanks for the heads up, guys, I really appreciate it. It's only been a week but knowing it's not temporary, I feel like I'm home."

Andy wrapped Sam's arms around herself and smiled. "I know the feeling, Chris."

Sam leaned over and kissed Andy's cheek.

"So it's true," Chris said more to himself.

Sam laughed. "You remember what you said to me after Jerry passed? After I broke up with her?"

Chris shifted nervously. "Uh, sorry about that."

"No Diaz, it was a kick in the ass I needed."

Andy looked between them and said one word, "Explain."

Chris shifted his weight and looked at the floor while Sam laughed before he said, "The day you left, before I got your note, we were in the locker room before shift and Diaz ... reminded me that I wasn't the only one that missed Jerry. Callaghan called me an idiot at the Penny, but well, it was Callaghan and we both know how well I listen to GQ ..."

Andy giggled at Sam's understatement.

"Diaz, Diaz was lookin' out for a friend and reminded me that even a lion's heart can break and that all you tried t'do was be there for me. without knowing you'd already said it, he told me you loved me. He probably thought he was reminding me, but telling me that being in love meant letting that person see you at your weakest, not just your strongest, was a lesson I'd never really been taught before. It's not exactly a secret that I've never lost anyone _that_ close before ... or that I didn't deal with it well."

Sam knew without even looking at her, Andy was crying. It wasn't like him to be that open in 'public', even if it was in their home.

Neither noticed Chris leave, closing the door.

"Everybody told me I was makin' a mistake, shuttin' you out but I didn't know _how_ to let you in. Maybe it was your note after Diaz chewed my ass out, I don't know, but I made myself a promise if I got the chance to make it up to you, I would ..."

Andy turned in his arms wrapping hers around him as she whispered, "You did," before softly kissing him.

Her sudden giggle had Sam looking at her. "Just imagining your conversation with GQ," she answered.

Sam rolled his eyes. "Do we _really_ have to talk about _him_?"

"Pretty sure we do," she answered with one of the smiles that got him every time. His hands on her hips he led her back to the living room and sat down with her in his lap.


	9. Chapter 9

**OMG! Sorry this chapter has taken so long to get here! Not 100% on it, but I write what the voices in my head say & this was what they said, so ... Hope y'all enjoy the ups & downs of this chapter!**

* * *

"It's not exactly a secret GQ and I have a ... mutual dislike for each other,"

Andy couldn't help the laugh."Really? I hadn't noticed."

Sam smiled. "Smart ass."

She gave him a smug grin. "Said it before, I learned from the best."

Sam shook his head before he continued, "Remember our little Sudbury getaway? When I said Luke was a good guy?"

Andy nodded.

"I lied."

"Why?"

Sam brushed hair away from her face. "Because you were so determined to 'fix' us, you needed to hear Callaghan was worth the anxiety you were puttin' yourself through."

Andy closed her eyes, remembering the knots she'd tied herself in because of what happened ... what _didn't_ happen, the night of the blackout.

"He may be a decent cop but that's all he is ... as a person, after Jo dumped him and rookies became notches on his bedpost ..."

Andy cringed at the description.

"Sorry," Sam whispered softly.

"No, you're not the only one with that opinion. Nobody would say it, but I know they thought it. You weren't the only one that warned me about him."

Sam smiled softly. "Not surprised."

"So what ...?"

"What'd I say or what did he say?"

"Both."

"_Every_ time he chose a case over you, _including_ the blackout, I hated it because you deserved better than that. After you dumped his sorry ass, I told him he never deserved you."

Andy looked at Sam shocked, she had no idea.

At seeing her shocked expression, he laughed as he kissed her cheek and softly said, "He didn't."

Andy rolled her eyes. "Is that your _unbiased_ opinion?"

Sam kissed her. "It's a well known fact. Ask _any_ of the rookies."

Andy laughed because _none_ of them understood why she got involved with Callaghan. The engagement, to her friends, had been one of life's mysteries they _didn't_ understand. Even Gail, while she warned against a relationship with Sam during their probationary period, didn't support a McNally/Callaghan relationship. Like everybody else, Gail saw that Callaghan was married to his badge and even coming from a family of white shirts and being raised to know the responsibility to the badge, _she _thought "Homicide" took it to another level.

"Yeah, I think I'll pass ... besides, this isn't about them, _you're_ the one ..."

Sam sighed. "He tried to blame me. Said you woulda taken him back if it wasn't for me. That I shoulda encouraged you to get over it and accept Jo as a mistake like he accepted what happened during the blackout."

Andy made a coughing sound of disbelief. "The only mistake I made that night was leaving."

Sam smiled softly.

"I'm sorry. Seems like you always got put in the middle of our problems."

"Ask him, he'll probably tell you I _was_ your problems."

"You told me once you were there when it matters and you were ... while he was either at a crime scene or at his desk going over a scene and the evidence."

"Anyway, I was sittin' at the Penny, shot of scotch in hand, when pretty boy walked in. He walked up to the bar and said, 'And you called _me_ an idiot? She walked away from _me_, I didn't walk away from her ... _you_ promised not to give up without a fight, but I don't see you fighting, not for her, not for your relationship ... but _I'm_ the idiot ... keep tellin' yourself that Sammy, maybe someday you'll believe it. You thought _I _hurt her? _You_ hurt her more than I ever could.' As soon as he gave his little speech he was gone."

"_Luke_ said that? Luke Callaghan?"

Sam laughed. "The one and thankfully the _only_."

Andy laughed. "What did you say?"

"Nothin'. I ignored him. Even _if_ GQ and I got along, he's your ex, which makes him the last person on earth I'd take relationship advice from."

Andy was laughing as she said, "I don't know, Babe, that could be funny."

"McNally ..."

Andy grinned. "Ok, ok, maybe not."

"Definitely not."

"_When_ did this happen?"

"Sometime before you left, because when you left so did he ... probably smart on his part or Frank woulda had another Retrain on his hands."

Andy hid her face in his shoulder thinking back to that day.

It was post-blackout, but before Sudbury. Senior uniforms were retraining, so the rookies were doing community outreach. She'd been partnered with Chris that day. Things were awkward with Sam and strained with Luke. They got even _more_ awkward when Luke went to Sam and said he needed Sam to help Andy's shift end on time because he was taking her to his cabin. Sam thought she _wanted_ the weekend getaway and reluctantly agreed. When the Ds said they wanted in pairs were re-worked and Sam ended up against Luke (she'd almost put money on their pairing being rigged). Andy wasn't supposed to even _know_ about it never mind be _at_ the Barn to _watch_ them go at it. She got pissed at Sam because when she needed her T.O he was all attitude over something personal. When he finally got his head out of his ass she told him not to bother. End of shift she was too tired to argue when Luke surprised her with the trip to his fishing cabin. If he thought it was going to be a romantic getaway he was badly disappointed. They ended up in a fight and he went to bed alone. She sat on the steps for she couldn't remember how long before going inside and crashing on the couch. The first person she _wanted_ to see when they got back was Sam but she went to Traci's instead. She shoulda known Jerry would be there which meant Sam would know before shift on Monday that the weekend was a bust. Sure enough, by the time she got back to her place a grey F-150 was parked in front of her building and Sam was leaning against the driver's door waiting. They sat on the tailgate and talked about nothing until Sam was satisfied she was ok and left. Monday morning the entire Division heard an argument between Sam and Luke and Oliver had Frank re-assign her to ride with him instead of Sam.

"After witnessing round 1 of 'Swarek vs. Callaghan', I don't know about Frank, but _I'm_ glad there wasn't a round 2."

Sam laughed at her description for retrain. "It wasn't _that_ bad."

"Since you're not the one that got their ass handed to them, I'm pretty sure GQ wouldn't agree,"

"What's new with that?"

Andy laughed softly.

"Besides, if pretty boy knew how to fight ..."

"Sorry Babe, the beating you gave him, it wouldn't've mattered ..."

"So even _you're_ sayin' he couldn't fight to save his ass?"

Andy laughed. "I've never said he _could_ fight ..."

Sam flashed his dimples. "Knew I trained you well."

Andy sobered as she gently said, "Jerry told Traci about it, when I went to her place after we got back from the cabin, Trac asked me,"

"Asked what?"

"What message you were sending to Luke ... and anyone else. I couldn't answer because we weren't ... because the blackout was still an issue."

Sam smiled softly. "My partner is too observant some days, not that it was a secret."

Andy looked at him, not quite understanding.

"The blackout was an issue for you ... my message was simple: you got hurt, on the job or off, whoever caused or let it happen, they answered to me."

Andy blushed slightly at the protective tone of his voice.

"So the fight after we got back from the cabin ..."

Sam couldn't look at her as he said, "He found me in the locker room, I was gettin' changed for our shift when he started in on me about ruining his weekend. Asked how I did that when I wasn't even there and he said I was the topic of the fight that ended your weekend. He didn't like it when I told him I was flattered he was thinkin' about me off the clock. Said he had no choice when I was what _you_ were thinkin' about. Told him it wasn't my fault he was such captivating company."

Andy couldn't help the giggle.

"Wanna tell me _why_ you got in a fight with GQ over me?"

"He didn't?!"

"Nope. Just chewed me out."

"You knew about the cabin before I did, he sprung it on me at the Penny when I was too hurt by your attitude and exhausted to say no."

"That son of a bitch, he gave me the impression you wanted the weekend away with him ..."

"I did ... after you ... before I knew ..."

"Try me with that in English ..."

Andy sighed. "I didn't know that you didn't know, I ... I was tryin' to figure out what I did wrong when we weren't even partnered together. Why you weren't there when I needed my T.O. ... GQ and I fought because he thought it wasn't a big deal and shouldn't bother me, I thought different so he accused me of wanting you instead of him. We left early because he asked if no other woman could keep you from going under, why I thought I could ..."

Sam shook his head. "Have I mentioned lately he's an ass? Why didn't you tell me, either when we talked after you came home or our next shift together?"

"So I could sound like a jealous girlfriend? No thanks."

"So I didn't have to lie to you."

Andy shrugged.

"You shoulda told me this sooner McNally, maybe I coulda talked ya into dumpin' GQ ..."

Andy gave him a playful smile as she said, "You woulda _talked_? As in told me how you felt?"

"Smart ass."

Andy laughed. "Sorry."

"No you're not."

Andy grinned. "You're right."

Sam grinned. "Say that again?"

Andy laughed. "Not a chance."

Sam shook his head. "Is there a reason _why_ I put up with you?"

Andy grinned at him. "You tell me."

Sam flashed his dimples as he whispered, "Because I love you," before he kissed her.

Andy's giggle had Sam pull back to look at her. "What're you gigglin' about?"

"It's almost too bad that Claire wasn't here to see 'Swarek vs. Callaghan' ..."

Sam growled at the mention of her mother. "In case you forgot, we already talked about _her_."

Andy laughed softly as she finished, "What're you keeping track?"

"No, but if I was, Callaghan and Claire would be two subjects we were done with."

Andy couldn't help the grin as she finished, "Maybe she woulda got the message ..."

"Yeah, I wouldn't hold your breath on that."

Andy couldn't hide the smile as she said, "As long as you're the one to give me mouth to mouth ..."

Sam couldn't help but laugh. "Anytime McNally, I'd say anywhere but that would get us in shit with Frank ..."

Andy laughed before she kissed him. "Wouldn't be the first time ..."

"Nope, probably not the last either. But I don't think he'd appreciate me getting into it with a CSW."

"No reason to. She's outta my life, she's outta _our_ life."

Sam smiled. "Speaking of, it's _past_ time I brought someone _into_ yours ..."

Andy looked at Sam, not sure what he was talking about.

"Was thinkin' our next weekend, we could take a trip to St. Catharines ..."

"You want me to meet Sarah?!"

"Of course I do. My sister needs to meet the woman I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with."

Andy was shocked. Yeah, she wanted forever with Sam, but that didn't mean he wanted forever with _her_, to hear that he _did_ ...

"Shoulda taken you to meet her a _long_ time ago ..."

The meeting didn't go as Sam planned. Before he got a chance to call and arrange the visit hell rained down on the Division after Sam's replacement in the T.O rotation stalked a guy she thought was guilty of being a pedophile. He took exception to that and put a hit list together. As luck would have it both Sam and Andy's names were on it. Anybody that was on the list was on lockdown at the Barn while Frank led teams in the search for Oliver whom Ford had taken.

Andy was in the break room with Oliver's new girlfriend, Celery when Sam came in. Celery stood up, almost afraid to ask if there was news. Sam gave her a warm smile. "No word yet." He turned to Andy. "We need to talk ..."

Andy didn't like Sam's tone, it was the one he used when he was gonna do something that she wasn't gonna like. She followed him down the hall to the gun cage where he fired his gun into the discharge cylinder before locking it away.

"Sam? What're you ..."

Sam walked over and put his hands on her shoulders. "I can't do this anymore."

"Sam, no. Frank told us to stay here ..."

"You stay here, with Celery, you're here, you're safe ..." he turned and headed for the door, he should've known she'd follow.

"What about you? You leave I won't ..."

In the parking lot Sam turned to face her. "He's my best friend, McNally. I can't do _nothing_, I need to help bring him ho ..." the rest of what he'd been saying died on Sam's lips when he saw the look on Andy's face. "What is it, Babe?"

"Babe, this is _Oliver's_ ..."

Sam made a quick call to Frank who was less than thrilled to hear that Sam and Andy had left the Barn.

"Frank, bitch us out later, right now you need to listen to me, Oliver's car is _here_, that means ..."

"Sam ..." Andy held up a coat that _didn't_ belong to Oliver.

"Frank, he's here." Sam listened for a few seconds before hanging up and heading back inside, Andy in tow.

"We need to clear the Station," Sam said as they stepped into Booking. Sam brought the officers on duty up to speed and gave them their orders before they stepped into the hall.

"I'm ..."

"Gonna go get your vest."

Sam tried to keep it light. "Yes, Mom."

All that earned him was a raised eyebrow making him laugh.

Sam didn't care where they were, he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her against him. Brushing nose against hers he kissed her lightly and whispered, "You have my key, go grab my gun while I go grab my vest and we'll start clearing this place, room by room."

Andy smiled in relief. "Ok."

Her relief was short-lived because before Sam could get to the lockers he saw Ford across the Bullpen pointing a gun into the Parade Room. Sam being Sam, he called Ford's name. Seeing Sam, Ford fired. Andy screamed and ran to Sam's side as Nick stepped out of the Parade Room and gave Ford back the bullet he fired at Sam, along with a few more. Ford went down and would be pronounced DOS but the Division's focus was on their fellow officer.

Nick rushed to where Andy was kneeling next to Sam, his uniform blouse already off. "Andy, I want you to use this and apply as much pressure as you can. I gotta roll him onto his side and see if there's an exit wound."

The only thing that registered were Nick's instructions for applying pressure to stem the flow of blood that Sam seemed to be losing at lightning speed.

He was in and out of consciousness before the paramedics arrived.

Andy jumped in the back of the bus before they loaded Sam in.

Andy paled as she listened to the paramedic call in "35 year old male, GSW," she blocked out the rest, as she looked at Sam, his eyes closed again.

"Sam," she whispered, "you gotta stay with me."

Sam's breathing had become labored so they hooked him up to oxygen. Hearing Andy's tearful whisper he struggled to open his eyes. Swallowing a couple times he tried to give her a reassuring smile. "Hey."

Andy returned his smile with a wobbly one of her own. "Hey."

Sam held his hand out for her to take. Andy held it tightly.

Sam was unconscious again by the time they pulled into the E.R.

Andy was ushered out to the waiting room and engulfed by their friends. Nick caught her as her knees buckled. He helped her over to one of the chairs.

The doctor came out a few minutes later and came face to face with a sea of blue.

Frank stepped up. "Can we see him?"

The doctor was hesitant. "C'mon Doc ..."

"_One_ ..." was the doctor's emphatic response.

"Right here," Nick said as he stood up, pulling Andy with him.

"Nick ..."

"Andy, you need to be with him and he needs to know you're there."

Her friends all nodded in agreement.

Gail, who was sitting with Steve and Traci and holding the hand of a woman Andy didn't recognize, said, "We're not goin' anywhere."

Andy nodded before stepping away from Nick.

Traci knew Andy's fear, she was having flashbacks ever since Steve held open the door.

Andy walked into the room and watched as the doctors and nurses worked feverishly to save Sam's life. Her presence was ignored until Sam flatlined when she was removed from the room. She silently pleaded with him to hold on, not to leave her.

Their friends were there the second the door closed, Andy on the outside looking in. No one _dared_ to say it would be ok because nobody knew if it would be.

Nobody left until the doctor came out and asked for Sam's next of kin. Afraid of a repeat of Luke's shooting, Frank stepped up. The doctor looked at the chart in his hands. "Andy McNally?"

Andy looked up. Traci was the only one that knew because she'd been with Sam the day he'd removed Jerry's name and made Andy his primary contact. Andy was under with Nick, at the time it was his way of getting the info to her if something went sideways this side before the op was done, now ... now, it ensured history _wouldn't_ repeat itself.

The doctor gave a tired smile. "Explains why ..." he mumbled to himself before turning to Andy and updating her on Sam's condition.

It was Nick who asked, "When can she see him?"

He's being moved to I.C.U. as we speak ... he can only have one visitor at a time, but," he looked at Frank, "if you want to see him for yourself, Sergeant Best, I'm sure we can bend the rule and let you go in with Detective Swarek's ..."

Whatever he was gonna say was cut off when Traci and Steve, Chris and Dov and Gail stood up and enveloped Andy in a hug goodnight, all saying they'd be back to check on her tomorrow.

Dov had heard Sam had been brought in and left Chloe's bedside long enough to check on Andy. Chloe had been one of Ford's first victims. Dov hooking up with Frank's goddaughter wasn't something anybody saw coming. Chloe was weird even by the rookies standards and that said a lot living through Dov.

When Frank looked around for Noelle Chris said, "We're not going anywhere yet, Sir ... we just know neither is she."

Frank smiled, his rookies knew their fellow rookie well.

Andy and Frank followed the doctor down the hall. Andy stopped at the door suddenly unsure she could walk through it. Frank's words echoed Nick's from earlier. "Sammy needs to know you're here, Andy. That you're ok."

Andy steeled herself for what was on the other side of the door before allowing Frank to open it.

They had just went through the I.C.U. doors when Noelle arrived. "How is he?"

Nobody knew quite what to say and Steve wasn't willing to insert himself into the close knit group despite being Gail's brother and Traci's ... they hadn't exactly labelled what they were yet.

It was Dov that said, "As scary as _he_ is when he's protecting her ... let's just say the next 48 hours are _that_ scary ..."

Noelle looked at Traci. "That bad?"

All Traci could do was nod. When Gail looked at him with tear-filled eyes, Steve offered, "They let Frank go back with her to see him, he'll probably be out in a few minutes."

Noelle smiled sadly. "Ok, why don't you guys all go home and get some sleep?"

The rookies nodded and said their goodnights. Before she left, Gail turned and asked, "Has anyone ..."

Oliver had been brought in not too long before Sam.

Everyone shook their heads. He'd want to know about Sam and right now nobody knew what to say.

"I'll get an update from Frank and let you guys know but he'll have an update during Parade tomorrow."

Everyone nodded before heading out.

Frank returned to the waiting room to find it empty with the exception of Noelle. She stood up when he walked in. Neither said a word, the hug they shared saying what they couldn't put into words.

After a few minutes Noelle asked, "You gonna see Oliver?"

"I should, but I can't, not until we can tell him more than Sammy's in I.C.U."

Noelle understood. "You wanna stay?"

Frank smiled softly. "No. Andy's not gonna move more than an inch."

"I know how she feels, I wouldn't if it was you."

Frank smiled. "The only bedside I want to be at right now is the one of that beautiful baby we got at home."

Noelle smiled as they left the hospital, Frank's hand held firmly in her own.


	10. Chapter 10

Andy was pretty sure she heard Frank say, "Just so you know, we're gonna have a _long_ talk when you wake up, man," before he squeezed Sam's non-responsive hand and made his way to the door. She hadn't been able to move beyond the door, pretty sure whatever he had to say was private, until Frank left with the promise to see that Sarah was notified. It didn't even register that Sarah needed to be called until Frank mentioned it. The steady beep of the heart monitor drew Andy into the room and over to the bed. Pulling the chair next to the bed, Andy sat down. The emotional crash hit and exhaustion took the place of fear. She put her head on the bed next to his hip and fell asleep to the sound of Sam's heart still beating.

Andy woke the next morning to the feeling of being watched. Lifting her head off the bed, she ran a hand through her hair. The doctor gave her an apologetic smile. "Sorry to wake you, Officer McNally, just thought you'd want to know that Sergeant Best is here with Detective Swarek's sister."

The doctor noticed the way Andy's hand had found its way to Sam's.

"Thank you. Um ..." Andy wasn't sure how to put into words her need to stay. The doctor seemed to sense it and gave a gentle smile. "I'll go tell Sergeant Best and Detective Swarek's sister they can come in for a minute."

Andy smiled in relief. "Thank you. How ... how is he?" Andy couldn't keep the fear out of her voice.

"Why don't I answer that after I bring them in so you don't have to try and repeat it?" The doctor offered as he went to the door.

Andy stood up when the door re-opened and a tall dark haired woman followed by Frank then the doctor entered. The doctor gave them an update and reminded Frank and Sarah to keep their visits brief until Sam was awake and moved.

Sarah didn't say anything, just went to the other side of the bed and leaned over and gave her brother a feather light kiss on the forehead before she left.

Andy wasn't even sure that she knew she was there, and that was ok, Andy wanted _Sam_ to make the introduction not have it made by their shared worry.

Frank made sure she was ok before leaving with orders that Andy was to keep him up to speed.

Andy couldn't help the smile. "Yes, Sir."

The doctor left with the promise to be back later and suggested Andy get more rest.

Before she fell asleep she whispered, "I need to see that smile sooner than later, Swarek ..."

It was another day before Andy felt that familiar feeling of being watched by Sam. Lifting her head off the bed, Sam's hand grabbed hers when it would have brushed the hair away. She gave him a tired smile. "Hey."

Sam swallowed a couple times before he managed to croak out, "Hey."

A steady beep caught Sam's attention, followed by pressure on his middle finger that _caused_ the beep of the heart monitor and the feel of the IV lead in the back of his hand.

"How ... how long?"

"Couple of days."

"You're ..."

Andy smiled. "Fine."

Sam was groggy but not _that_ groggy, he gave her _that_ look and Andy couldn't help but laugh. "You're the one in the hospital bed ..."

Andy got him a glass of water when she saw him swallowing again. "Here."

Sam took a couple small sips of water before he asked, "Ollie?" The need to know that Oliver had been found and was ok flooded Sam's mind as the details of that night slowly found their way past the anesthetic that was beginning to wear off and pain meds that were undoubtedly in his drip.

"Ford?"

"Dead. Nick shot him after ..."

Sam squeezed her hand. Andy stood up and pressed the button for the nurse.

The doctor came in a few minutes later. "Everything ok ..." he trailed off seeing Sam awake. "Good afternoon, Detective."

"Doc."

"How ya feeling?"

Sam didn't dare give a smart assed remark, he was pretty sure the brunette next to his bed would _not_ appreciate anything less than an honest answer. "Is anything I say under anesthetic gonna be held against me?" His voice sounded like a rusty hinge.

"He always like this, Officer McNally?"

Andy smiled. "Yeah. Your patient is one of the top ranking smart asses in the Division."

"Hey! I resemble that!" It came out more of a croak.

Andy rolled her eyes. "Ya think?!"

The doctor laughed at the back and forth between the couple. "Not that the nurses down here haven't enjoyed taking care of one of the TPS' finest but it sounds like we can move you upstairs."

"Nothin' personal, but when do I move _out_?"

"Sam, you just woke _up_ ..." Sam recognized the _I've had a long shift, don't screw with me_ tone.

The wheels on the bed weren't the only thing rolling as Sam was moved out of I.C.U and into a private room.

"McNally, I can lay in my _own_ bed ..." Sam grumbled, his voice finally sounding like it should.

"You'll be layin' in it alone unless you do as the doctor says."

Sam looked at her for sign that it was nothing but an empty threat but didn't see any.

"This bed's _barely_ big enough for me, two of us are gonna be a tight fit, McNally."

Andy looked at the doctor and blushed. "You did _not_ just say that in front of your doctor, Sam!"

"What? I have serious doubts he's gonna be surprised when he finds you in it with me."

"I'm gonna let you get some rest, Detective," he checked Sam's IV and looked at Andy, "I'll let Sergeant Best know he's out of I.C.U."

"Thank you."

"I was out for 2 days ..."

"Don't make me have the doctor put you out for another 2 ..."

The doctor was laughing as he left.

It didn't take long after the doctor left and Sam starting fighting sleep to figure out he'd put a sedative in Sam's drip.

He wouldn't stop fighting it until Andy was curled up next to him, his arm draped over her waist.

Andy didn't expect to fall asleep but she did, waking up a couple hours later to the feeling of someone else being in the room. The minute she tried to move Sam was awake.

"You never were one for doin' what you were told," a female voice laughed.

Sam looked over Andy's head and said, "What're you doin' here?" His voice was thick with sleep.

"It's nice to see you too, little brother ..."

"Under any other circumstances, sis, I'd say it's good to see you too."

Sarah sobered. "How ya feelin'?"

"Choose your words carefully," Andy warned as she got up to sit on the edge of the bed.

Sarah couldn't help the smirk at Andy's warning.

Sam laughed without thought and grunted at the pain it caused. "Pretty sure there's somethin' in there," he looked at the IV, "that's keepin' me from feelin' _too_ much ... unless I do somethin' stupid."

Sarah gasped in mock horror. "You? Do somethin' stupid?"

Sam rolled his eyes. "Remind me again _why_ I wanted my girlfriend to meet you?"

"As soon as you tell me _why_ she'd get involved with _you_ ..."

Sam laughed and paid the price with pain. "Dammit sis, don't make me laugh."

Sarah was immediately contrite. "Sorry Sammy."

Sam put his hand on Andy's thigh. "Not quite how or where I wanted to do this, but ... Sis, I'd like you to meet Andy McNally; McNally, this is my sister, Sarah."

The women smiled at each other as they shook hands before Sarah shocked both Andy and Sam by giving Andy a hug. "It's nice to know there's a girl out there my brother'll finally let me meet."

Sam groaned. "Really sis?"

"What?" Sarah tried to play innocent but Sam didn't buy it.

"Nice try, sis."

Sarah flashed a grin at her brother.

Sarah stayed a few more minutes before leaving.

Andy wasn't surprised when Traci showed up after shift.

"Sweetie, I brought you a change of clothes," Traci said as she put a hand on Andy's shoulder.

Andy smiled. "Thanks Trac."

Traci smiled before she looked at Sam. "Wasn't enough to have Dov man-crushing on you since we were rookies, you needed the entire Division to come down with a BAD case of hero worship, Swarek?" she teased.

"Hey Nash."

"How ya feelin' partner?"

"Pretty sure I'd feel a helluva lot worse without whatever's in there," he pointed to his IV.

Traci laughed. "Don't take it personally, but I'm pretty sure you'd scare the nurses without it."

He found out with Sarah's visit laughing wasn't worth the pain so Sam smiled instead.

"Couldn't've said it better, Nash," Frank said as he and Noelle walked in. Noelle smacked him in the shoulder.

Frank rubbed his shoulder. "Like _you_ wouldn't've said the same thing?"

"_I_ would've waited til he was back on his feet." She gave Sam one of her famous smiles.

"Sorry, laughin' isn't worth the pain, not even for you."

Noelle sobered. "How ya feelin', Sammy?"

Sam glanced at Andy before he said, "Like I took a bullet to the chest without Kevlar ..."

"Excuse me," Andy said softly before slipping off the bed.

"Damn, Swarek, if you wanted her to move I'm sure you coulda just asked, you didn't have to chase her away," Traci admonished.

Sam looked at their friends. "I _didn't_ mean to chase her away, Nash, and you know that. Now, before they knock me out again, somebody wanna fill me in ..."

"She hasn't?"

"All I know is, she's ok, Ollie was found, Ford is dead and I'm in here."

"She gave you the highlights, the low was when you flatlined in front of her."

"_I flatlined_?!"

"After they brought ya in. She was with you in the ambulance,"

"I remember."

"She tried to stay with you after you got here but they wouldn't let her, sent her out to the waiting room.

When the doctor came out and said it was bad, I asked if somebody could see you and Nick made sure it was Andy ... they let her stay until you flatlined. Nick caught her when her legs went out from under her.

Pretty sure that bathroom is the farthest that girl has moved since they let her in."

Sam looked at Frank. "Do somethin' for me?"

"Name it."

"She needs to go home, she won't go if I ask, I need you to pull rank man, and tell her to go."

"Ok, hospital bed or not, you hurt that girl, Sammy, _I_ will hurt you ..." Noelle warned.

Sam gave Noelle a look he usually only gave the rookies when they did something stupid before he addressed Frank. "She needs to get some sleep, Frank, where she isn't afraid to move or hurt me ... it's not like I'm goin' anywhere."

Frank didn't say anything as the door opened and Andy walked out. Sam held out his right hand. Andy sat on the edge of the bed.

Sam looked at Frank who gave a single nod.

"Alright, enough fawning over Swarek, McNally, how ya holdin' up?"

Andy shrugged.

"You been home to get some sleep? A shower? Somethin' to eat?"

They all noticed the way Andy reached for Sam's hand as she shook her head.

"Andy ..."

Andy turned tear-filled eyes to Sam. "You don't want me here,"

Noelle nodded to the door and both Frank and Traci headed for it.

"You know that's not true. Babe, you _need_ to get some sleep where you actually get some _rest_."

"I'm ..."

"Andy ..."

Andy couldn't help the laugh.

"It's not like I'm goin' anywhere before you get back."

Just then the doctor came in.

"Hey Doc, you got enough in there to give this one a shot?"

The doctor looked confused.

"Doc, I'm a detective but ya don't need to be, to figure out that every time you check that IV you put somethin' in it to knock me out."

The doctor gave a slightly sheepish smile. "Sorry."

Sam shrugged slightly and winced at the pain it caused.

The doctor looked at Andy as he asked, "There a reason you think Officer McNally needs a sedative?"

"Because he's tryin' to get rid of me," Sam growled and the doctor looked at him as Andy finished, "but he knows I don't sleep well without him."

"I am _not_ tryin' to get rid of you. I'm tryin' to keep you from ending up in here from exhaustion because you're not resting properly."

The doctor scored points with Sam, not so much with Andy when he said, "He's right."

"Don't tell him _that_!" she said with a laugh.

Sam laughed then cursed. "Dammit! That hurts!"

Seeing Sam in pain all traces of a smile disappeared. "Sam, visiting hours ..."

"You have clearance, Officer McNally to come and go, no matter what the time."

Andy smiled at the doctor as she softly said, "I'm not on duty, it's Andy or Ms. McNally."

The doctor smiled as he nodded. He just asked if there was someone to take her home when the door opened and Steve stuck his head in. "So the rumors are true."

"What rumor's that? That you're chasin' after my partner?"

Steve smiled. "Think you could tell her to slow down so she'd be easier to catch?"

Sam smirked as he waved him in.

Steve nodded as he said, "Hey Andy, how ya doin'?"

Andy looked at Sam before she shrugged.

"Andy? Sam, you alright?"

"I'm fine. She's not happy I want her to go home and get some sleep."

"The sedative should kick in fairly quickly ..."

Steve didn't hesitate or ask questions, just said, "I'll take her home."

"Thanks," was Andy's mumbled response while Sam smiled his gratitude.

He knew she didn't want to go, but the doctor assured her that Sam'd be doing the same thing she was - sleeping - so she finally relented and agreed to the sedative ... it would be given at Steve's car.

Steve shook Sam's hand and promised to bring Andy back whenever she woke up before he left telling Andy he'd go get the car.

Andy leaned over and kissed Sam. "No flirtin' with the nurses when I'm not here," she teased.

"Nope, I'll be dreamin' about a cute brunette."

"Didn't know you felt that way, Sam," Nick teased from the door.

"Glad to see you're ok, Collins."

"Thanks to you."

Sam nodded as he looked at Andy. "Go."

"_Fine_! See ya in a few hours," she pushed off the bed rail.

Nick looked between them. "Everything ok?"

"Nothin' a few hours sleep won't fix."

It was anything but a look of love and adoration Andy shot Sam before she turned and headed for the door.

"Listen Sam, I just came to say thanks ... and I'm sorry. You savin' my life almost cost you yours."

"But it didn't,"

The doctor clearing his throat cut off anything else Sam would have said.

"Sorry to cut this visit short, Officer, but Detective Swarek needs his rest."

"It's ok, I've said what I came to say," he looked at Sam, "Get better."

Sam nodded, minutes later he was asleep.

10 minutes after she left the hospital, Andy was out like a light.

It was more than a few hours before Steve dropped Andy back at the hospital. Sam was asleep when she walked in so she pulled her shoes off and curled up next to him. His arm wrapped around her as he pulled her close. She was asleep in minutes.

Sarah dropped by the next morning to say goodbye. When asked why she smiled and said she didn't need to stay, she was leaving her brother in good hands but she expected a visit so she could get to know Andy better.

It was another couple days before the doctor gave the green light for Andy to take Sam home.

Andy had just got him settled on the couch when the knock came at the door. Sam groaned as Andy went to answer it. "McNally, did you forget to tell Frank we _don't_ have a revolving door?"

"It's good to see you too, brother," Oliver called walking through the door. He hugged Andy before going into the living room.

Andy smiled when she saw Celery. The two women hugged and snuck into the kitchen to give the guys a chance to catch up and compare stories.

Sam was a little surprised Andy didn't join them, but grateful when he heard Celery's laugh from the kitchen. "Just get outta the hospital, and I don't get so much as a 'hi' ... nice to see you too, Celery."

"Careful Sam, next potion I make might find its way into your coffee," she said with a grin as the girls walked in with cups for the guys.

Sam looked at his cup suspiciously making the girls laugh as they went back into the kitchen.

"How are you?" Sam asked.

"I'm the one that should be askin' you, man ... how ya feelin'?"

"Lucky?"

Oliver looked in the direction of the kitchen. "That we are. Did Andy tell you about Cruz?"

"Oliver, the only time I've left him was when he made me. What about her?" Andy asked from the doorway.

Sam wasn't surprised she was listening. They'd barely gotten into the kitchen.

"HQ took her badge. She cleared out her locker the morning after ..."

Andy gave a sad smile before disappearing back into the kitchen.

"Considering she almost got us both killed, I don't think that's a bad thing."

"Nope."

"How's Celery?"

"Glad Cruz is gone."

Sam laughed then tried to stifle the groan of pain so Andy wouldn't hear but she did and the girls came out to check on them.

"Stop fussin' over him, Andy," Oliver teased.

"Dumbo, you get enough attention from your girls ..."

"Darlin', didn't anybody tell you Andy _is_ one of my girls?"

Sam almost choked. "Since when did you leave me for Shaw?"

Andy blushed. "Um, I meant to tell you ..." her eyes danced with laughter until she saw Sam's smile, and she quickly said, "Don't," as she sat on the arm of the couch. Sam wrapped his arm around her waist.

Sam looked at Oliver, a devilish gleam in his eye as he asked, "Did your girl just call you 'Dumbo', brother?"

"Don't make me forget you just got outta the hospital, wise ass," Oliver said smiling.

"Speaking of ..." Andy said softly, she hated the idea of kicking Oliver and Celery out, but Sam needed his rest.

Celery got up. "C'mon Dumbo, you can visit again later."

Sam couldn't help the smile. Oliver was finally happy again, something he hadn't been in way too long. Sam couldn't resist when he said, "It's a good look for you, brother."

Oliver looked at him. "What's that?"

"Bein' happy."

Oliver smiled. "It's one we both wear well, brother. McNally, I'll come babysit tomorrow if ..."

Sam was smiling as he said, "Get out."

Over the next few days the revolving door was non-stop as the Division came by to wish him a speedy recovery. Andy made sure no visit was too long to wear him out.

During the parade of visitors, Sam couldn't remember who, made a comment that made him stop and think ...


End file.
